Past Present

Ever think that you might go back to a chapter of your life and revisit? And maybe trying to make amends? Well, I have.

I was on an errand in town when I met those beautiful eyes again. Those dark, mysterious eyes that shine under the slightest ray of light. Those eyes that captivate my heart when I first know her. She was Roxanne. My first love of my life. The last time we met was 7 years ago. Those 7 years was painful initially, but I thought that I had long forgotten her, until now.

'Oh hey Wilson! It has been years since I last met you!' I remember just smiling and nodding. We started small talk when I noticed she was carry a small cardboard box in her arms. In it was so many things. But one thing I saw that caught my eyes was a small pocket watch. My pocket watch. 'Roxy, what are you doing with this stuff?' I asked. She gave a swift glance at it and said, 'Oh? I am giving all of this away. All of them can't be used anymore.' I took out the pocket watch, 'Even this?' I asked. I saw the guilty look in her eyes. 'Oh...I went to many places trying to get the left clock working again...but they couldn't do it...' I told her I would bring it back and fix it then return to her.

When I got home, I opened the pocket watch and gave a look. I remember the reason why I gave Roxanne this because she was leaving to the other side of the world in a different time zone. We knew it would be long, but letting her know that only there was a time difference between our relationship, and nothing else. I remembering nuzzling the back of her neck, planting soft kisses on her cheek, hugging her from behind, letting her lean into me for closure.

Breathing back those painful memories after that was tough, the fights over social media and phone calls. The idea of her crying to sleep every night. The very thought of her pain and what we were going through. I thought everything could work, until the day she decided to call me at 3 am in the morning saying she wants to break up. It was hardest to say goodbye and to let go. But I knew that there's no reason for this if we just fight.

Back to the pocket watch, it was like a locket where you could open it. Inside it was two clockwork device, one on the left and one on the right. I took out a screwdriver and see what was wrong.

It took me 7 hours to fix the clockwork and put it all back together. I decided to give it to her the next day.

I knew where does she stay. It was the same white brick house down by 37th street. I remember cycling to her house every day just to see her. I miss how the way she would smile, and how cherry her laugh would sound like. I miss the way she would comb my hair with my fingers or just ruffle them when I tease her. I miss how her hand would fit nicely in mine when we hold each other.

I decided to write a small note and give it to her tomorrow together with the pocket watch.

When I drove to her place the next day to pass it to her, I saw her kissing with another guy. I knew instantly she was never available, especially to me. I took out the note and scribbled something on it and left it at her porch, with all the good memories of her, especially the way she hugged me and whispers I love you's.

The note I had written was,

"Hey Roxy,
I really miss you. I still love you.
But I could see you are happy the way you are now. "

Comfort can be nice but blinding. Never be blinded something you are comfortable in.