Happy NY

I would always remember the New Year's eve 2009 & the first few minutes of New Year 2010 and how I had spent it. I would always cherish the memory even though it's long gone. Somehow, it always comforts my throbbing mind from unnecessary stress...anyhow, Happy 2011 New Year everyone, God Bless...

Life can be vicious?

Sometimes, I would always imagine what the future be like for me, will it be good? Or will it be horrible? Since I was a young child, I'm a person who will be deep in thought, especially when I'm alone. In my younger days, I would always think that my life in the future would be okay and calm, sugar and spice and everything nice. Now as I get older, my perception towards life wavers. There was a point in my life where I thought I could get whatever I want, whenever I want. I thought life revolves around me, not the other way around, or so you say. There was also a point in my life where I would always have negative thoughts in my mind. Everything I see through my eyes will either be a failure, or will backstab me in anyway possible. Even though I know I have people close to me, care about me, but sometimes, I just need to take on life by myself, with no one's help except the Lord's grace. I may seem different from any situation that you may see in me, for example, I may be an extrovert on the outside whenever I'm with anybody. But the truth is, I'm not. I am a person who is actually shy and nervous about life, I am not comfortable leaving my comfort zone, but I try. You may ask me whether or not am I alright, surely, I would nod and say 'Yes...', but there's always a possiblity that I'm not. I may look normal on the outside whenever I have friends around, but deep down, I may have a minor depression but you can't seem to see it. You may ask why am I like that, but, I have no answer to that question. Maybe, I just don't want any symphathy or pity from anybody, or maybe, I just want to lead life as normal as possible. Loads of people say that I have a very good skill in this, or I have a talent in this or any other crap that is suitable in this situation. To tell you the truth, I don't have any particular skill that I would be proud of, even if you think this is a skill. Or anyhow, even if I did, I doubt I feel proud of it.

As the Lord had plan my life for me since before birth, I know I have something to contribute to the society, but, what exactly? Sometimes in hectic moments of my life, I would sometimes even pray for the Lord to take over my life in his power and will. But I know he would never do such thing until the time is right. He had given me the gift/skill/talent/power, whatever you call it, to write to show how I could express my thoughts with the help of a pencil and a paper. In this few years of life, God had given me strenght to continue whatever I had left off or to start something fresh and new altogether. Somewhere along the way, I know there would be problems and nerve-wrecking moments and that's just the obstacles in life. After reading until here, I can assure you that you will ask, "How bad can life be?" My answer would be simple, "Oh, life can be as vicious as you want it to be...it can be so bad till you even feel like you want to die, for goodness sake...bugger." Maybe, the tumoil inside you or everything around you are giving you a nasty headache to begin with, but deep down, you know someone somewhere is cheering you on along the way. I can say this now, it is true. There is someone out there helping you along the way, spiritually, mentally. I know so. Whatever I am lacking now is the self-control over my feelings had left me a few moments ago. I used to be able to control whatever I am feeling previously, but after an incident, somehow, I had just lost that. Whatever it is, I need to find it back, pronto. That is the only thing that could comfort me, after so many sad occasions that had happened in my life the past few years. Once I could numb the feelings that would drive me up the wall, I will turn out okay. Only then, I would say that life is still okay for me. The day I scream to everyone, "I LOVE MY LIFE!", is the day I met someone along the way to help me with all the vicious things life throw at me. And-Wait for it- with God's grace, Amen...

The Girl

I once saw this girl when I was young, around the age of 5. I think she was around my age too. I saw her dancing in a music studio in a faded pink leotard and ballet pink soft shoes. She was swirling around in circles with a scarf in her hand. I was very stunned at her when she dance and I was standing there with a giant candy in my hand which I had just bought at that time. I watched her dance the whole thing through. There was one part in her dance that had captured my heart up till now. It was the part she bent her body down with her dark brown hair falling over her shoulders and suddenly sprang up gracefully into a graceful split with the ribbon in her hand. That part of the choreography just made me look in awe. I watch her dance until she was done. She came out of the dance studio with her mother. Suddenly, I ran towards them. Her mother was surprised by my presence. I looked at her mother and then, turn my gaze to her. Without thinking, I took the giant candy in my hand and gave it to the girl. “You dance very good…” And with that, I ran down the pavement. I thought, that would be the last time I shall see her, but, I was wrong.

*13 years later*

I was in a music studio and was practicing the piano like mad. I applied to a music conservatoire in London to pursue my degree in piano. I was in a studio downtown playing the first movement of the Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven. I was going through the details of the song when I heard music coming from the next studio. I turned to find where that music was coming from. Through the semi-transparent tinted window, I saw a girl in her ballet outfit dancing to the music playing. She looked very gracefully dancing around her dance studio. I stopped practicing my piece and stare at the girl dancing. Somehow, she looked darn very familiar but I can’t seem to place her face in my mind. Suddenly, the girl just bends over, her brown hair slipped over her shoulders and she pirouette on her Pointe shoes. I winced at the sight when she turned on her toes. Somehow, I always think that it would hurt, but, maybe I was wrong, God knows. But after that, I kept staring at her dancing. Suddenly, it struck me. I knew where I had seen her before. I saw her dance before in this very same studio. It was the girl whom I had given the candy to. Involuntarily, I got up and went to the studio where she was dancing. I gave a knock onto the door, but she didn’t seem to hear the knock. So, I decided to slip into the studio without her knowing. When she done this huge leap which I think it calls ‘Grande Jete’, she noticed my presence in the room and she missed her landing and fell.

“Ouch!!!” She was clutching her ankle. ‘Oh no…’ I ran to her side. “Are you okay?” I asked. I tried helping her up. “Who are you? What are you doing here?” she asked. She winced as I helped her up onto her feet, she couldn’t stand. I got a bad feeling she may sprained her ankle. “Let me help you first, okay? I think you have injured your ankle.” I supported her weight as she limped out to the nearest bench. I left her there and went to inquire for a first-aid kit. After I have one, I went back to the girl. She had already taken off her Pointe ballet shoes. Her right ankle was red already. “You okay?” I asked as I took out some muscle cream and some ankle support. “I think so…” As I put some cream onto her ankle, she asked, “Do I know you?” I shook my head, “I guess not…but, you do look awfully familiar…” As I helped her put on the ankle support, she stared at me curiously for a long time, “Wait, you do look familiar…” she said in the end. There was a moment of silence before, “Hey, were you the boy who gave me the huge candy when I finished my ballet lesson in this studio? The one who said I dance well? 13 years ago?” She asked, smiling. I smiled back, somehow, when she smiles, it made my heart leap. “Yeah…you remembered? All these years?” I was flabbergasted. I couldn’t believe she even remembered that. She let out a small chuckle, “Of course! When you told me that, you made my day…I actually wanted to stop learning ballet all together at that time, but, you gave me hope to continue…” She smiled widely at me. “Thank you…” She hugged me tightly. When we pull ourselves away from each other from the embrace, I wanted so much to ask her out for dinner or something. Somehow since 13 years ago, she had made a VERY good impression on me till I would even remember her then. She wanted to stand up, so, I helped her. “Thank you for bandaging my ankle…” she smiled. “It’s no big deal…hey, can I get you name?” I asked. She smiled, “Its Jennifer…but, you can call me Jennie…what’s yours?” “I’m Davis…hey, wanna go out for dinner?” I asked, fingers crossed, hoping that she would agree. She just smiled and shook her head. “Sorry, I can’t. My ankle still hurts. What about next time?” When she said that, my heart literally sank but its true, her ankle is not that well still. “It’s okay, next time then. Do you want me to help you get your things back to your car?” So, I helped her carry her stuff and helped her to her car. “Take care, okay?” We exchanged our ID numbers and with that, we both left. Back home, I started texting her and vice versa. Soon, we also exchanged our email addresses and we started chatting in a chat forum and through emails.

From: Jennifer
To: Davis
Subject: Hello! =)
Hello! How are you? I’m fine, my ankle is okay already. But, I’m still advised not to go for ballet until next week. That’s the reason why you didn’t see me at the studio that day. I still remember the last question you had asked me before. The one that you had asked me whether or not do I want to go for dinner? Why not we go after our practice next week? Okay with you?

From: Davis
To: Jennifer
Subject: Re: Hello! =)
Hey! I’m fine! So, I take it as a date? Of course I can go! See you next week! Can’t wait. =)

I was frantically arranging my music sheets and all the other loose papers and I was running VERY late. When I got into the studio, I noticed that Jennie was not there yet. ‘Maybe she was also running late…’ I decided to start practicing my songs first while I wait for her. I was practicing another song for the audition, a Mozart piece. I had done 2 pieces; I still need one more. I was practicing both pieces. When I finished, I heard someone clapping behind me. I turned and was surprised to see Jennie there. “That was good…” she smiled. When both of our practice was over, we decided to get some Italian food for dinner. After placing our orders, we chatted. “What are you practicing for?” Jennie asked. I took a sip of the water before I spoke, “I applied for a music conservatoire in London and they say it’s the best and only one in London. So, I’m practicing for the entrance audition…what about you? What are you practicing for?” I asked. “Well, I am doing the same like you. I’m also practicing for an entrance audition in a music college down in London. I think…it’s the same college you are going…” she said. I was clearly shocked. “Really? Wow! We could be in the same campus…cool…” I smiled. From the chat, I found out she was pursuing Ballet in college. And not only that, she was having trouble finding a pianist to help her play the accompaniment for her to dance to. I suddenly wanted to help her, so, I volunteered myself, “Why not…I play for you?” I asked. She took my hand into hers, it her fingers on my hand gave a sudden jolt to my spine somehow. “Really? You can do that for me? Won’t it be very tasking for you? With all the extra practice you need to cope for your audition and mine?” she asked, with a very anxious face. “I’m okay…I could even do your dance piece as my last and final one for the audition.” She was ecstatic; she came over to me and gave me a hug. Somehow, I just want to make her happy in any way, but…why?

Soon, we started practicing together. Her song was ‘The Nutcracker’. A very interesting and a nice piece. As the time playing for her passed, I started to develop feelings for her. But, I don’t think it started there, I think, it started since 13 years ago, when we first met. But, I kept it a secret. Every night, I would think of her every second. Soon, the date of the audition started rolling in. We found out that both of our audition dates fell on the same day, so it good in a way? It was a week before the audition when we were chatting through I.M.

Jennifer: I feel SO nervous!!! HELP!!!
Davis: Chill! You’ll do great! You ARE good, ever since you were 5!
Jennifer: HEY?? I’M GETTING AN EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN HERE!!!
Davis: OKAY, OKAY! Let’s change the subject then…Your pick…
Jennifer: Okay, hmm…I wanted to ask you this, but, I’m not sure whether it is okay for me to ask…
Davis: Shoot!
Jennifer: Well, do you believe in love?
Jennifer: Hello??
Jennifer: Are you still there??
Davis: Sorry there! Helping my mum in something…whether do I believe in love? Yeah. Of course.
Jennifer: Well, what do you feel when you had fallen in love?

That question really caught me off guard. ‘Should I tell her now that I DO like her? Or should I just play along?’ I decided to just play along, to see what it was really about.

Davis: Well, I feel my heart pound like REALLY hard whenever I’m near that person I like/love or when I just think about the person. Or when someone brings the person up in a conversation. Sometimes, I feel giddy but I would try to stay just as strong as I could. And I would keep on thinking of the person every single second. Something like that…why do you ask?
Jennifer: I don’t know, but, I think I had fallen for someone…

Looking at that, my heart literally sank. ‘She likes someone else…’ At that moment, I wanted to tell her straight off but in another, twisting way.

Davis: Jennie? I wanna tell you something…
Jennifer: Yeah?
Davis: I wanna tell you a joke…okay with that?
Jennifer: Yeah, it’s cool…what is it about?
Davis: Knock-knock…
Jennifer: Oh? A knock-knock joke? Okay. Who’s there?
Davis: I…
Jennifer: I? I who?
Davis: I…love you…
Jennifer: I What?!
Jennifer: Oh…
Jennifer: Davis? Are you still there?
*Davis is offline*

Since that I.M. conversation, I didn’t hear about her for the next week. Every time, I wonder how would she responded after she had found out that I had feelings for her. I didn’t know what to expect from her? I’m not sure whether does she understood what I said. Even if she did, will she avoid me? On the day of the audition, I put on the best formal wear I have. I went to the auditorium downtown where the audition was held. When I was there, I found Jennie. She was in her ballet outfit and in a pair of flip flops. She was holding onto her Pointe shoes. “Hey…” I said. “Hi…” she replied. That was very awkward. “Those who are auditioning for the piano category, please kindly proceeds to the auditorium. Thank you.” I was walking towards the auditorium when I felt someone’s hand on my shoulder, it was Jennie. “Can I…come in and watch you play?” she asked. I smiled and nodded to her. She and I walked towards the auditorium. Before I left her at the seat, she leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. I was a little taken back but, I smiled back at her. I walked towards the front few rows where the other people who were going for the audition waiting. After 5-7 people had gone through the audition, it was my turn. I was trying not to panic. When I steadied my fingers on the piano keys, I took a deep breath and my mind wandered back when Jennie kissed me. That gave me confidence all over again and my fingers just ‘touch’ on the keys gracefully. When I finished, I was happy. I was done. I walked up the stairs towards the exit. When I opened the doors, I saw Jennie smiling widely at me. “You were great!” she squealed. She hugged me tightly, I whispered into her ear, “It’s your turn now…” She breathe in deep and tried to calm down. Suddenly, an announcement was made, “Those who are auditioning for the contemporary dance and singing category, please kindly go the auditorium now. Thank you.” And with that, Jennie started to be in a nervous breakdown. She started breathing at irregular rhythms. “Jennie, are you okay? Relax, you can do it…” I hugged her, trying to calm her down. “I can’t do it…I’m afraid I would screw the Grande Jete and my pirouettes…I don’t know…I…I…” She was seriously having a major nervous breakdown. Without thinking, I kissed her, full frontal. Automatically, she calmed down. When we finally ‘let go’, she was okay already. “You can do it…I have faith in you…you dance VERY well…” I helped her wear her Pointe shoes and walked her into the auditorium. Before leaving her at the front rows, I whispered into her ear, “I love you…” She just hugged me tightly. I left her there and sat behind the front rows. I watched the others dance and sang. They were okay, I guess? When it was time for Jennie to go through it, I walked her to the stage and squeezed her hand. I walked to the piano and waited for her to give me the cue to start. When she nodded, I played. I couldn’t see what was happening or whether did she do great but when she finished the whole things with a triple pirouette, from the applause she had gotten, I knew she did great. After we walked off the stage and out the auditorium, she cried with joy and hugged me tightly, “I’ve done it! I can’t believe it!” I kissed her on her cheek and said, “Of course you did…” I replied. She looked at me in the eyes, those twinkling eyes. Without any warning, she kissed me. After we let go, she said, “Remember I said I had fallen for someone?” I just nodded. “Well, that guy…is you…” I couldn’t believe this was happening. This just felt so good, bliss.

*3 months later*

Jennie and I had been dating for the past 3 months since the audition. We actually forgotten everything about it until one day when I gotten the letter from them.

“Dear Mr. Davis Brightman,
You had past the audition that you had went for to our music school and we already have a place here at the school for you. Hope to see you soon. Thank you.
Mrs. Sarah Anderson,
The Principal of the Birmingham Conservatoire.”

I was freaking happy and shocked after I read the letter! The second I finished reading the letter, I called Jennie. “Jennie! Have you gotten the letter?!” I asked through the phone. “YES!! I DID!!! Oh my God! Did you too? Yay! We are going to be in the same campus!!”

And since then, I never left Jennie’s side. Because I knew, since the first day I saw her years ago, she is the girl of my dreams, my girl.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Was actually inspired by one of Josh Groban's Song...enjoy...

Mariah Carey - Hero

Held by a Ring

Every time when I look at myself into the mirror, my eyes would wander to my neck where it hung a ring necklace. At the sight of the necklace would make me tear a little. Every time I daydream, I would fiddle the ring. And with that, those sweet memories would come to life right in front of my eyes, but the second I blinked, it would disappear and that really breaks my heart. Every time I sleep, I would dream of the past but whenever I wake up in the middle of the night and found out that it’s just all a dream, I would eventually cry myself to sleep. Every time I would ask myself why did this happen? ‘Why?’ I would ask. I regretted into letting this happen.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When I was 9, I met a boy who was from a junior high school near my middle school. His name is Jesse Carmichael. I met him through my cousin’s 15th birthday bash. My cousin, Emily and he were schoolmates in the same form. We talked and chatted during the whole party and I really enjoyed it very much. After the party, he asked Emily for my number and she did give him. We talked and chatted a lot on the phone and we texted quite a lot too. Soon, my phone bill raked up and my parents were going ballistic. Soon, we started IM-ing each other using the net since it was cheaper back then. Soon, I had a little crush on him but I was young and I didn’t know whether my feelings for him were genuine. My birthday falls on Valentine’s Day coincidentally. The day I turned 10, he told me he had feelings for me. I was very shocked when he told me that. Very seldom I know boys his age in my housing area dated girls around my age. He was 16 while I’m 10. Our age gap was VERY big. But one thing led to the other, we started going out.

I know people say I am too young to know anything about love at that time. But at that age, I was already very mature compared to people my age. We dated for about 2 years. We were celebrating Valentine’s Day and also my 11th birthday. We just wanted to hang out together. We were walking in the mall downtown when Jesse said this to me, “Hey, Hayley? Wait here for a while, I wanna get you something…” and he just went off. I assume he went to the bathroom or something. He left me sitting by my own on a bench, looking at people walking past. I was starting to get anxious when he didn’t show up for the next 15 minutes. Mind you, I was just only 11 at that time. I kept my eyes out, trying to find him. I was getting scared after half an hour. It was only close to one hour when he finally showed up. “Jesse, where were you? I’m so scared…you were gone so long…” I said when he came over to me. A tear fell from my eye. “Hayley, I went to get something…don’t worry, I won’t leave you, you know that, right sweetheart?” he asked and he kissed me on my forehead and wiped the tear away. “I left for awhile to get you this…” he took out a maroon box and put it into my hand. “Opened it…” he said with a smile. When I saw him smile, I myself involuntarily smiled too. I just love his smile. “Okay…” I replied. I opened the box and saw this metallic ring sitting in the box. “Oh my…” I was shocked. He took out the ring from the box. It was connected to a chain and made it look like a necklace. He opened the necklace latch and put it around my neck. My fingers fiddled with the ring and I looked at him, “What’s this for?” I asked. He smiled and said, “This is for your birthday…and also for Valentine’s Day…I even have one too…”He took his ring out from below his shirt and showed it to me. It was the exact same ring. “This is our ring…” he told me. I didn’t know what to say, “Wow…thank you…” I hugged him. Since that day, I didn’t take off the necklace. I wanted to let be like what the way it is. Our relationship went strong until I turned 12. My parents didn’t know about our relationship until one day when my mum caught us making out in the kitchen. She was fuming and kept screaming at me about it. She didn’t want me to see him anymore. I was crying very badly but I never disobeyed my parents’ wishes before. So, I deleted his ID number from my phone and also his name from my IM account and other various Internet chatting applications. Whenever he called or texted me, I just ignored it. Even I had stopped using the Internet chatting sites or whatever. It’s heart-wrecking for me to do so. But, I never disobeyed my parents and I was afraid to do so at that time. Soon, I never heard of him again but I still see him from time to time. My family moved to Iowa because dad had a new job there and since then, I really never heard of him already for two years already. I was 14 by then. Even after leaving my old home, I never once took off the necklace he gave me when I was 11. In my new school, my new girlfriends kept asking me was it my boyfriend who had given me that necklace because when other people just touch it a bit I would get angry scream in their faces. I would always reply a simple, “Yeah…” I loved the boy and no other boy had been so nice to me before.

A few months later, I had gotten a call from Megan, Jesse’s sister, “Hayley? This is Megan? Jesse’s sister?” I was very surprised to hear from Megan. Megan is Jesse’s little sister who is a year younger than me. “Yeah, this is Hayley. What’s up? Are you and Jesse doing great?” I asked. I was very surprised to have gotten this call and was curious about Jesse. But something told me that something was not right. Something in Megan’s voice was worrying me. “I’m fine…I…I’m just…just calling to tell you…about….well, something about Jesse…” she hesitated. When she said Jesse’s name, I was hoping for the best and brace myself for the worst. “What about Jesse? Is he alright?” I was beginning to worry for him because I still care for him and now out of the sudden there was some news about him? It was just making me even more worried. I was fiddling my ring while waiting for Megan’s reply. “Hayley, my brother is dead…” And with that, she just broke down at the other end of the line. I couldn’t believe what I had just heard. In one hand I was clutching the phone very tightly while the other was holding onto the ring. I was hoping it was just some sick joke. “Wha-what?!” I screamed into the phone. “It’s true…he’s gone…” she sniffed and she continued to sob loudly into the phone. When I know my ears weren’t fooling around, my knees just gave way and I fell, sitting on the floor. Without thinking, tears flow down my cheeks. I tried consoling Megan but deep down in me, I was literally breaking, piece by piece. From bits and pieces from Megan, I found out that Jesse died in a car accident up Iowa. He wanted to find me and to pay a visit. “He…he wanted to find you…” Megan sobbed. I couldn’t stand it. I slam the phone down and cried and cried. I couldn’t believe it, I really couldn’t believe it. Megan texted me the date of the wake but I know my parents wouldn’t let me go there and I also know I wouldn’t have the guts to go there too.

Every time when I look at myself into the mirror, my eyes would wander to my neck where it hung a ring necklace. At the sight of the necklace would make me tear a little. Every time I daydream, I would fiddle the ring. And with that, those sweet memories would come to life right in front of my eyes, but the second I blinked, it would disappear and that really breaks my heart. Every time I sleep, I would dream of the past but whenever I wake up in the middle of the night and found out that it’s just all a dream, I would eventually cry myself to sleep. Every time I would ask myself why did this happen? ‘Why?’ I would ask. I regretted into letting this happen.
Since the day I found out that Jesse was gone, my mum knows something was wrong. She kept asking me what was wrong. Only after a month later, I finally told her. “Baby, what’s wrong? You look so sad…these days…you wanna talk about it?” And with that, I just went to her and cried in her embrace and bit by bit I told her. She tried consoling me but I know that it won’t work, the wound is deep and it may not even heal properly. I had been like that for a very long time. The day I got my driving license at the age of 16, I drove my way back to my old home. I decided to pay a visit to Megan’s place. After I knocked onto the door, I heard some shuffling inside the house and a few seconds later, Megan opened the door. “Hayley?” she was very surprised to see me. I smiled at her and said, “Hello Megan, how are you?” She just nodded, “I’m fine…” She ushered me into the house. “Mum and dad are not in town at the moment…they are doing some business outside of town…” she explained. “But, why didn’t you go with them?” I asked. “Having a major exam soon, staying back to study. C’mon, you just sit here while I get some tea for you…” I sat down at the couch and just looked around. I noticed a lot of photo frames on the cupboard. I stood up to get a closer look at all of them. There were a lot with Megan and her parents. There were also a few with Jesse inside. But there was one with him alone, smiling happily. I took the photo and peered into the photo. I traced his jaw line and also his hair. “He was 20 then, a few months before he died…” Megan said. I was a little surprised at Megan’s presence there. “Oh…” She placed tea on the table. I sat down on the couch again but I was still looking at the photo. He was still wearing the ring necklace he got for both of us. “Megan, did he…did he died wearing that necklace?” I asked. Megan nodded, “Yeah, he did. He even buried wearing it…he told us before he didn’t want to part with it, he never took it off before…it was that special to him…I wonder why…” I was fiddling with mine when she said that, ‘The ring was that special to him…I was that special to him…’ Megan noticed me fiddling with my ring, “Is that the same ring with my brother’s?” she asked. I looked at her, then to the ring and back to her again, “Yes…it’s the exact same one as his…he bought both of it for the both of us…when I was 11…it was our ring…” I replied. She looked at me in disbelief. “So, it was you all along…and that letter…it was meant for you…” she said, looking very relief. I was very confused at that moment, “Letter?” I asked. She stood up and pulled me along, “C’mon up, I have to give you something…” We walked up the stairs and brought me up to Jesse’s old room. She opened up and that familiar smell came flooding out. It still looked the same to me. On his study table, there were a photo of him and I. I was only 12 and he was 18. I looked so different. He looked different, too, compared to the photo when he was 20 in the photo, but he looked the same familiar self in this photo. I picked up the photo and peered into it. Megan went into his closet and pulled out a box. Megan saw that I was holding the photo in my hand, “You can have that if you want and if you also want the photo when he was 20, I can get one for you and email it to you…” she said. She took out an envelope from the box and gave it to me. “Here, this was left in my brother’s possession and was supposed to be given to you but we didn’t know it was for you…” She passed the envelope into my hands. She also put the photo frame into my hands. She agreed to email me the photo of Jesse when he was 20. Megan told me where they had buried him. I waved goodbye to her and when to my car. I took the other photo frame of him and me and put it into my handbag while holding tightly onto the envelope. I drove off to the florist and bought the freshest lily flower, his favourite. Soon after that, I went to the cemetery. I took my handbag, the flower and also the envelope and walked over to his grave. “Hi Jesse…” I put the flower on the grave and sat down on the grass. I took out the letter and started reading it:


“Dear sweetheart,
I haven’t heard from you for awhile now, I hope you are doing alright. I miss you. I have no idea why you had suddenly stopped answering my calls, my texts and my emails. I got the feeling that maybe it was because of your parents and since you are always the good girl in the family, you would never disobey you parents, right? But I just want to tell you that I still love you…even though of our age gap, I still love you…I don’t know whether do you still love me? Remember the ring I have and the one I gave you? I still have it, I never took it off. If there’s anything that had happened to me, I want you to know that I still love you and that I want you to be happy, always. I also want you to know that if there’s anything that had happened to me, I want you to move on in life, but please don’t forget about me. Take care and I love you…
Love,
Jesse”


When I read the letter, I was already crying my eyes out. ‘I still love you, Jesse…and always will…’ I ‘talked’ to him for about an hour while looking at the photo. I traced his jaw line. I really missed him. My life was in a mess that time. Somehow, I really hoped that Jesse would be alive now and just talk to me. If he were still alive, he would be 22 now. Before I left, I felt a breeze when past me. It felt very familiar to me. I thought that Jesse was there with me. That night after I got back home, I was ready to sleep when I heard someone called me, “Hi Hayley…” I spunned around and saw Jesse sitting on my bed. ‘Oh my God…’ “Jesse?” I ran over to him and hugged him oh so tightly. “I missed you…so much…” I said, suddenly tears from my eyes came flowing all over again. He didn’t change one bit, he still looked the same to me. “I know…I miss you too…” he said, as he stroked my hair. We talked for about an hour. Then, he tucked me into bed. Before I slept, he showed me his ring, “Remember this? I still wearing it…what about you?” he asked. I smiled and showed him mine too. He smiled widely. “Hayley, you have to remember to go on with life…I still love you…you could still find love even after me…remember I will be watching over you, and helping you…” He then kissed me and my eyes just closed because of exhaustion. That night was the best night of all, I could sleep.

All that had happened 12 years ago. Jesse kept his promise and really looked after me from above. I met David when I was 20 and now, we are engaged. If Jesse was alive now, he would be 32 now. David asked me before about the ring before and I told him about Jesse and he seems to be okay with it. He even let me to wear the necklace. He doesn’t get jealous about it which really made me feel happy. He understands and that’s what I like about David. A month before our wedding, I brought David to Jesse’s grave and introduced him to Jesse. “Jesse, this is David, my fiancé…you are right, Jesse, I could still find love…thank you for helping me…”

This story was inspired by a dear friend of mine...enjoy.

Christmas Time

I miss you...

I miss how you would look into me,
Trying to guess my emotions everytime.
And everytime you guess,
It's always correct.

I miss how you would read my thoughts,
And figure out what's bothering me at that moment.
And how you would finish my sentence whenever I'm in trouble.
That always save my arse sometimes.

I miss how you would whisper into my ear,
Late at night,
At your place,
When everyone is sleeping.

I miss how you could interprete my feelings,
Just by listening to my voice,
Over the phone,
And that you kept on asking me what's wrong.

I miss how you just make me smile,
With all the actions you make.
And with all that,
I would eventually smile, for real.

I miss how you would just let everything go,
Just to keep me company in the late nights,
When I'm scared,
Or just plain bored.

I miss how you would hold my hand,
Whenever I'm scared,
Nervous,
Or just afraid.

To cut the crap short, I just miss you...

Sad to end it this way, was hoping to just tingle your heart once again, like how it used to.

*Inspired by something...*

I love you, you know that? But, I just can't bring myself to say that...

I love you, you know that?
But, I just can't bring myself to say that...
What am I suppose to do?
With all those little problems which can be sometimes tormenting...
Am I in a turmoil?
I'm not sure
With all those problems...
I'm not sure I'm up for this again...
But, I sure miss it...
So, all I can say is, I like you...

Love Language: Jubilee Project Short Film & Fundraiser

The Waiting Game

Freshmen

I written this to get rid of my feelings that I wanted to get rid of. If you think this story is messy, I apologize. I was not in the mood to do so. I wrote this from how I feel. This is inspired by the song 'The Freshmen' by The Verve Pipe. Enjoy...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Previously, I was a rebellious kid; I was raise by a single mum. In school, I bullied everyone and was dating one of those bad boys in school, Danny until college. A friend of mine, George, kept telling me not to date him for he is a punk and a boy who had a bad reputation in the school’s disciplinary board. But, I didn’t take his advice. My mum advice and tell me often not to go out with Danny. But, still, I didn’t listen to them. Until one day…

I was going out with Danny near a very run-down cinema place. We were watching a show which I couldn’t remember well. We were watching this show when Danny started to touch my right arm which was starting to make me feel a little uncomfortable then. I move my right arm away from him, but soon, he put his arm around me which made very much more uncomfortable. I shrugged his arm away, trying to get rid of this. And again, he tried to touch my arm again and again I tried to get him away. “Kristin? Baby, what’s wrong? Hmm?” he asked, this time, he tried to nuzzle my neck. I pushed him aside, “Danny? Can you stop doing that?” He didn’t stop, “Doing what?” This time I was really mad, I pushed him aside and hissed at him, “Danny! Stop doing that!” And then with that, I stood up and left the place, with him following me close behind, “Baby! What’s wrong?” he asked. He caught up with me and caught my hand. He pulled me close to him. I suddenly felt scared and afraid. “Danny! What are you doing?” I asked frantically. He didn’t say anything but he pushed me close to the back alley’s wall. It was dark, very dark and I was getting even more scared by the seconds. My heart was beating at a very deviant rate. I felt my head getting dizzy and I felt getting giddy at the same time, nauseated and woozy. I couldn’t breathe properly, like my airways are closing up. I noticed those lustful feeling in Danny’s eyes. My vision was blurred. He tried to get me out from my leather jacket. “Danny! What are you doing?! Don’t touch me! Daniel!” Before I collapsed, I saw someone pushed Danny off and punched him in the face, it was then I fell into the darkness of the world.

When I woke up, I found out I was at someone’s bedroom. I tried to sit up but a sharp stinging pain went through my chest. Straight, I fell back to the bed. My head began to spin. Again, I felt my airways blocking again. I was gasping for air again when I saw someone came in, the person thrust a small tube into my mouth and miraculously, I could breathe again. Once my eyes could focus on things again, I could recognize who was the person. “George? What are you doing here? Wh…where am I?” I stuttered. “Shh…Kristin. Kept quiet. You are still sick. You just had an asthma attack 2 days ago…and…” he said. “What?! I had an asthma attack?!” I said hysterically, suddenly, another stabbing pain again erupted. “Kristin, hush. You have not recovered. Here, let me help you up.” he said, he helped me sit up. Then, he went to his kitchen and took out a bowl. I peered into it and saw it was porridge. “Here, let me feed you a little.” He scooped a spoonful of it and fed me some of it. George took care of me for a week. He helped me regained my strength. One night, I had this nightmare. It was like the day I went out with Danny. It was like that all over again, but this time, I was very conscious. I kept screaming. In my nightmare, Danny was trying to strip me off from my clothes. In my nightmare, I kept thrashing around. Suddenly, I heard someone beside me, soothing me. “Hush, Kristin. What happened? Shh…calm down…” The next thing I knew, I was in a dark room, with a very dim light. And George was hugging me close in his embrace. “Kristin, breathe in deeply. There you go…breathe in deep. You’ll be okay…your safe…shh…” he said. I was crying hysterically. “Don’t….don’t let him…let him get near me…” I sobbed. He was in confusion, “Who? Kristin, who?” he asked frantically. “Danny…” I whispered so softly, that only he and I could hear.

Soon, my trauma against Danny vanished. George always accompanies me to my mum’s place for a visit. One day, George couldn’t accompany me. “Kristin, will you be okay?” he asked me anxiously. I looked at him and smiled, “George, I’ll be okay…don’t worry…” Since that day when George had helped me, I had changed. I am not like how I am; he had changed my bad ways and had made me feel better compared to how I was previously. I am grateful for his ways. “Bye, George. See you soon…” I waved at him and smiled back. He too did the same. I walked back happily back to my mother’s place. I wanted to surprise her with me coming back, so, I didn’t tell her I WAS coming back to see her. When I reached her doorstep, I felt very excited to see her again. I knocked on the door but she didn’t answer it, so, I decided to open the door. When I opened it, I didn’t see mum anywhere. So, I decided to try the living room to find her. I was very surprised to see mum and a man sitting down on the sofa, talking in the living room. “Mother?” I asked. She flipped her head towards me in surprised, “Kristin? What are you doing here?” she asked in surprise. “I…came back…to see you. Mother, who is this man?” I asked. Mum stood up with a very anxious face. The man stood up, too. “Kristin, this…is your father…” she said. She turned to the man whom she said is my father, “Ryan, this…is Kristin, your daughter. The child that you had asked me to abort…20 years ago…” He looked at me with his mouth wide opened. “My…daughter?” I stared at the man in disbelief. ‘How could this be? I thought my father was dead!’ I thought in my head. The man standing in front of me has dark chestnut brown hair and eyes, which were exactly like mine. This Ryan man tried to touch my face, but before he could, I flinched back. I shook my head unconsciously can’t help not believing it. I felt tears rolling down from my eyes. I started to run out from the house. “Kristin! Wait!”I heard from behind, mother shouting my name. I ran as fast as I could, and as far as I could. It started raining, so, I decided to shelter myself in an old, run-down bus stop. I hugged myself and cried while the rain poured. I couldn’t believe what had just happened. “Ryan, this…is Kristin, your daughter. The child that you had asked me to abort…20 years ago…” ‘What does that mean? I thought. Suddenly, I heard a very familiar voice, “Hey, Kristin baby…what are you up to?” My head flipped towards where the voice is. ‘Oh my God…no.’ I thought. It was Danny. Suddenly, my heart rate was going faster and faster with an anxious feeling in me. He walked nearer to me. I scoot further away from him. “Baby, don’t go…” Then suddenly, he lunged towards me. I screamed as loud as possible, “Ahhhhh!!!!” I struggled for him to let go. “Baby, don’t go.” he said again. “Danny, get your hands of me!” I said while I struggled from his grip. “Someone! Help!” I screamed, hoping someone would hear. He tried again like what he did a few years back at the cinema. I heard he tore the sleeve of my shirt. I suddenly felt my airways closing up again, after so many years. ‘Oh no, not again…I MUST NOT faint off’ I told myself. Suddenly, I saw someone pulled Danny off. When Danny was off me, I tried to breathe properly. It was only then I saw who had pulled Danny off me, it was George. George? I felt a little light headed but I was able to see what was going on. “George! Be careful!” I yelled, which caused a stabbing pain in my rib area. Suddenly, I felt a searing pain across my left side of my face. Involuntarily, my hand flew to my face. And the sight really had scared me, my face was bleeding. My breath left me when I saw it. I tried hard not to faint. Suddenly, I saw a wood plank in Danny’s hand. He used it to hit George. “NO!!!” I screamed. George fell unconsciously. When Danny saw what he had done, the colour of his face was totally drained. He ran as fast as he could, dropping the piece of wood along the way. The last thing I knew was calling George’s name out to the unconscious body and then I fainted again into the darkness. But this time when I went into unconsciousness, I felt like I have to run from something. I was hoping it was just a dream and I could get out from it. When I suddenly fell, I knew at that time I had to wake up. When I did wake up, I found myself in a room, a room that I had never been before. I tilted my head to one side and I saw mother there. I tried to lift my hand to touch her, but I couldn’t. So, I tried to call her, I whispered hoarsely and softly, “Mother?” In an instant, she woke up. And when she saw that I was awake already, she left out a sigh in relief. “Kristin? Oh God Kristin! You are okay??” she stood up and walked towards me to hug me. She told over and over again that she was sorry and that she should have told me about Ryan. “Then, tell him about me now…” I said softly, my throat was hurting like mad. She sucked in the air deeply and let out a very long, shaky breath out. I got a feeling her voice would crack when she spoke. But, she didn’t. “Well, let’s start from here then…” And from that she told me what had happened between Ryan and her. From what I know, is that Ryan and mum had been going out since their senior year in high school up to college. And for some odd perception and things and the mistakes they had done, somehow, they had me. And, actually they wanted to abort me off and come clean for they were still freshmen in college. My mum agreed to it, but, in the end, she didn’t have the heart to do so. And with that, she kept quiet about the pregnancy until the fourth month of it. She went into depression and was thinking of many various ways to kill herself. One day, she decided to take a week of Valium and just take on her life. But luckily, Bryan got back in time to stop her. Well, she felt very bad about it and all. When I heard the last of it, my heart literally sank. ‘I was borne to this world out of wedlock? Gosh…’ But I didn’t want to ask anymore for I could see tears forming in my mother’s eyes. I hugged her close. After that, the nurse came in and injected morphine again into my system for the pain. And again, the whole rollercoaster ride of the nightmare started all over again. The next time I woke up, my mum isn’t there, so I decided to ask the nurse about George. “Oh? Your friend who came in with you? He alright already, just a bit of a bad bruise on the shoulder there…you want me to call him, dear?” She asked. I gave a smile in agreement. Soon a few seconds later, I heard a knock. And a sharp creak from the door, “Kristin? Are you okay?”I smiled widely at him, and patted the side of the hospital bed, “I’m fine. Here, sit.” We talked for a long time. With him here, I don’t feel dick anymore. “Hey, George…when the incident happened, why were you there at the same place at that exact moment?” I asked. When I said that, he looked away, wanting to avoid me eyes which was very odd. “I…er…I was…following you?” he said, still not wanting to look at my way. “Why?” He let out a sigh. “Because…I was afraid you are going to be in trouble.” I looked at him in a state of confusion, “Why did you do so?” Only then he dared to look into my eyes. Suddenly, those eyes made my heart jolt. “Because…because, I couldn’t stand to see you get hurt again.” That statement made my eyes grew wider in shock. ‘What?!’ I thought. “I mean…I…I like you…” There was a sudden silence, which was very, very uncomfortable. Only then I noticed he was VERY near to me, a bit too close I guess. Without knowingly, he moved forward even closer to me. I felt my breath had caught me. Those dark brown eyes just made me melt on the spot. The next thing I knew was him going EVEN CLOSER TO ME, just a few millimeters in front of my face. My heart was beating at a rate I never thought it would. Then with that, he looked at me one last time, he came into that few millimeters and he kissed me, with his eyes close. At that point of time, my breath was gone. I closed my eyes and just try to absorb everything in. Involuntarily, I put my arm around his neck. At that point of time, my mind went blank but what I knew was, I really like this boy. While he kissed me, he moved closer to me. And…heck, I don’t want to say anything anymore. But what I could say is that, both of us enjoy it. I stayed at the hospital a little longer than him, but he came and visited me every day after he had discharge from the hospital. One day after I woke up from my sleep in the hospital, I found a letter, addressed to me. I took it and tore open it to see what was inside. It was from Ryan. I didn’t want to read it but was so tempted to do so. In the end, I read it too.

“Dear Kristin,
This is Ryan. I think I should explain about everything. When I met your mother, I was practically in love with her. And I can see that she is too with me. But, we were just merely freshmen when we did the mistake. I know God will punish us for our sins. But, I thank my lucky stars that your mother didn’t abort you. And also, I was glad that I got back in time to stop your mother from taking that whole bottle of Valium. But, since then, I didn’t see your mother anymore. For nights, I couldn’t sleep well and always kept sobbing on the floor late at night. I was really worried for her. Just recently, I found her. We were just talking about how things are going on the last few years when you walk into the living room that day. I just want you to know that’s it’s not your mother’s fault you are born into this world without a proper family or whatsoever. But, all I want to say is, I love you…
P.S.
You know the boy who had save you? George I presume. He’s a great guy. And I can see from his face that he likes you very much, and I hope you do, too. Don’t let him slip out of your hand. Take care and good luck.”

When I saw the letter, I was practically in shock. I couldn’t believe that all that had happened before. But, one thing for sure is that, I’m not mad at either of them. ‘George really likes me…’ I thought. After a week later, the doctors said I could go home already. I was waiting for my mum and Ryan to come and pick me up to go home when someone knocked on the door. “Come in. Who is it?” The door creaked opened and George came in with a bouquet of nice, fresh flowers. “Hey, you ready to go” he grinned. I smiled at the sight of him, “Yeah…let’s go!” He took my bags and dumped it into his car. “Where are we going?” “You’ll see…” he said and drove me off to somewhere. It was already dark when we stop at somewhere. We were at a cliff. From the cliff, you could see the most breathtaking scenery I had ever seen in my whole life. The town was so bright like little lamps. It was so beautiful. “Oh my God! George! It’s so beautiful…” He bent down and playfully whispered into my ear, “And so are you…” That statement caught me off guard, “Wha..what?” I stammered. I turned to look at him. He bent down and kissed me. The feeling was magical and breathtaking somehow.

That happened a few years back. In my room now, there is a photo of me and George during our wedding and also a photo of Tommy, our son. When I look at it, I think back of all the things in the past. “Mummy? Where’s daddy?” I turned and look at him adoringly. I picked him up and set him on my lap. “He’ll be home soon. I promise. And after that, we are going out for ice cream, okay?” I smiled.

The Freshmen by The Verve Pipe

When I was young I knew everything
And she a punk who rarely ever took advice
Now I'm guilt stricken, sobbin' with my head on the floor
Stop a Baby's Breath and a shoe full of rice, no...

I can't be held responsible
'Cause she was touching her face
I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place

For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe we'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen

My best friend took a week's vacation to forget her
His girl took a week's worth of valium and slept
And now he's guilt stricken sobbin' with his head on the floor
Thinks about her now and how he never really wept he says

I can't be held responsible
'Cause she was touching her face
I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place

For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe we'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen

We've tried to wash our hands of all of this
We never talk of our lack in relationships
And how we're guilt stricken sobbin' with our heads on the floor
We fell through the ice when we tried not to slip, we'd say

I can't be held responsible
'Cause she was touching her face
And I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place

For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe we'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen

For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe we'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen

We were merely freshmen
We were only freshmen
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I seriously love this song... =)

This calms me...

“To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted. A time to weep and a time to laugh. A time to mourn and a time to dance. A time to cast away stones and a time to gather stones together. A time to embrace, a time to refrain from embracing. A time to keep silence. A time to speak. A time…to love…”

Remember this? Remember...?
In a time like this, I need this to remind myself that God and also you love me oh so dearly... =)

I love you, not only for what you are, But for what I am when I am with you.

"I love you, not only for what you are, But for what I am when I am with you..."

A new story coming up soon! Wait for it! =)

That was the last time I saw him

This type of stories normally isn't something I normally don't write...so, here it is...enjoy...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My father used to be my role model in my younger days. He was my pillar of strength, my shoulder to cry on. I loved him as much as he loved me. He pampered me and lavished me with many presents. He taught me music and shaped me into a child prodigy in music. Everything was going very well, until one day. One night, I went downstairs to get something. It was already going to be 1 o’clock in the morning when Father came home, with a bottle in his palm and very red in face. Mother came down and started yelling him, he too, yelled back. I did not understand what they were arguing about because I was still very young at that time. But it made me feel sad when they did that. They fought and argued occasionally for a long time. This scenario happened every single time like it was on a repeat button or something. But one day, something different happened in the routine. They were yelling at each other when I saw my father took out his old luggage bag and threw some of his things into it, packed it up and walk out of our front door and never returned.

When I was growing up, I soon learned bits and pieces about what had happened that cause my parents to separate. I found out that father had cheated on mother. That made me felt angry. Soon, I hated my father for doing so. One day, I had gotten an invitation to audition in the world most prestigious music college in the world in London but I declined the offer. Because it was the exact same music school my father wanted me to go. Since he left, I stopped playing the piano. I don’t want to remember nor follow in my father’s footsteps nor his dreams. For 5 years since he had left our home, I had never saw him once.

One day while I was out grocery shopping for mother downtown, I saw someone lying on the pavement, hugging his torso area, in agony. It was a man. When I got to him, I was shock to see who he was. It was father. He got a glance on me and fainted in my arms. You may think I would leave him there to die right there, right? Well, I didn’t. Even how much I hate my father at that time. He was still my father and forever will be. So, I quickly dialed 911 and called for the ambulance. Soon, the ambulance came and I went with him. I waited and waited for nearly an hour before the doctor who was examining my father came out from his room. It was Mr. Robinson, our family doctor. When he did come out, I asked how my father was doing. The news he told me broke my heart. Father was having a stomach cancer. The cancer had spread to his lungs and liver. And he was not going to live long; he was having the third stage of cancer, the last stage. That piece of news hit me hard. I never once thought that he would die. At that point of time, I didn’t know what to do. I felt…alone. “Go in and see your father, Lily. He misses you…” he said and that, he walked away, leaving me to decide whether or not to go and see him. I sat down outside his ward and let everything sank in. After a few minutes or so, I decided to see him. When I got in, he was conscious already after all the medication. I saw in his eyes he was very happy to see me. With tears in my eyes, I asked “Why didn’t you tell us? Why?” I knelt close to him and asked again, “Why?” His once strong fingers now felt so weak wiped away my tears, “I didn’t want you and mother to be worried about me…I’m sorry for not saying…” he too started tearing a bit too. He pulled me close to him and hugged me tightly.

The doctor said that he may only live for another 3 to 4 months, which was not long. I visited him in the hospital every day. One day in the hospital, I found out something that made me regret for hating my father. I went back home, fuming. When I got back home, I yelled, “Mother! Where are you?!” Mother came down and asked me what was going on. I didn’t care to answer but got straight to the point, “Was it you who were having the affair? Not father?” When I said that, I can see it in her eyes that she knew I had found out the truth. We argued over and over but in the end, the cat is out of the bag. No more secrets and lies about why did they went through the divorce. I was so angry with myself for hating my father that way. I wanted to kill myself for doing so. I went to the hospital straight after that to see him and to ask him to forgive me. “Lily, I already had forgiven you…I just don’t want you to hate your mother because she had done something wrong…don’t hate her too…you’ll need her…” he said. I hugged him tightly and said, “But she made me hate you for something you didn’t even do…she has no right for doing that…” while I cried. He stroked my hair and wiped my tears and said, “Love her as much as you love yourself. It’s not her fault that I’m dying. The Lord wants me to be with him sooner than all of us had expected. Love the Lord too, for he had given me such a beautiful daughter who I love dearly…”

For 4 months, he was okay until one day; he vomited blood in the hospital and went unconscious after that. I rushed to the hospital when I saw Mr. Robinson finished checking up on father. “Doctor….is he gonna be okay?” I asked worriedly. Mr. Robinson looked straight into my eyes with this sad look. From that look, I knew something was amiss. He let out a sigh and replied, “Your father is soon going home with the Lord…give it another few more days…” And with that, my knees gave way and I just broke down. He gave me an assuring pat on the shoulder and helped me up to see my father. When I went into his room, father was on heavy medication and was unconscious. I decided to stay with him for the next few days, not going anywhere but just beside his bed during his last days. He was still not awake the next few days. I normally slept on the chair beside his bed. One particular morning, I felt someone holding onto my palm. I looked up and saw that father was awake. He had this radiant glow in his face. He gave me a knowing smile. I felt tears in my eyes because I knew his time was almost up. “Lily, my beloved daughter, I want you to follow dreams and pursue it. Continue love your mother even if she had done wrong and had hurt you. Love the Lord. And I also want to tell you that…I love you…” And with that, he closed his eyes forever and breathe his last. I followed his advice and went and pursue my music career in the college who had given me the invitation letter to audition in their college. That was the last time I saw him.

Who am I?

Looking through the past
Never thought that it will end
Was hoping it would be forever
To death till us part
But I think we were not meant to be
For if not I won't change my mind
How I think about this
But sadly
I did.
Not that I want.
I'm so sorry.
Who are you?
Or maybe,
Who am I?

Freaky Dream

I had this freaky dream for a few days now. Nearly the same one everytime but the conversation are not. It happened a few days before his birthday. I remember constantly thinking about him every single second when I miss him. Then, everytime I close my eyes to sleep, less than 20 seconds, I'm awake by a shake on my shoulder. My heavy and tired eyes flutter opened. The first thing I saw was his face. "Hello there..." he said and gave me that michievious grin. "Whawhawha what'cha doing here??" I asked, not believing my eyes. I lifted myself up and reached out to touch his face. 'It feels so real...' I thought, 'But it can't be! He's in Australia!' "To see you...I missed you, you know..." And he leaned in and gave me a hugged. "I miss you too...its been a year you know..." He gave me a kiss on the cheek. We started talking until 2 in the morning when he decided he should leave. "Bye and take care..." he said and gave me a final kiss on my lips and tucked me into bed. "Goodnight..." he said as I gave him a smile when my eyes fluttered shut. The next day when I woke up, I can't believe it was all a dream. But it felt so real, even the last kiss felt so real. It happened again for the next few days. On the day on his birthday, he called me. From the conversation, I'm not the only one who had that dream. He did too. I guess it was God's way of granting his birthday wish, which is to talk to me again. Thank you, Lord. =D

Mine...

Read....

****************************************************

We've been together for nearly 3 years now (2 1/2 years?) In some way or another, we got together when I was at my final year of elementary school while he’s at his first year in junior high. Everybody were quite surprise when they found out we got together because we both are two very *emphasis on VERY* different people and we always fight a lot when we were younger. We were like the Chinese symbol, Yin and Yang, both very different but need each other at the same time. So nobody expected that to happen. We were on good ties for that long until one day, he had to leave…

“What do you mean you’re moving?” I asked, with a sudden sad feeling looming in me. “Joan, I’m sorry…Mum said we’re migrating to Sydney, Dad has a new job there and Mum wants me to study there…” he said with an aspirate feeling in it. “Wait…you telling me this now…because you want to break up with me?” I asked. Suddenly, my eyes felt wet and misty. ‘I’m so not gonna cry right now…’ I thought. “NO! No! I just wanna tell you this…. ‘cause, I may not able to be with you…” he said. “How often can you come back to visit?” I asked, wanting to hear something positive from his mouth. “Maybe three to four times a year…or even lesser…” he replied with a sad sigh. I closed my eyes and try to learn how to breathe again. The tears in my eyes started to flow out. “Joan, I’m sorry.” He came around to hug me, but I declined by pushing his arm away. “Joan…please…” He tried to comfort me, but walked away a few steps from him. “I hate you in a way…” I replied and ran back home, leaving him dumbfounded.

I went back to my room and hid myself in a small corner of my room and sunk my head into my knees and cried. Usually I won’t cry for anything because I think it’s just plain stupid. But this time, I couldn’t hold my feelings. While I cried, I thought back the things I had done with him and his gang…
I remember all so clearly how he had asked me…to be with him. Usually Francis and his friend, Peter and John would torment me. They had been doing this to me for quite some time now, since the early years of elementary school. But one day, it was clearly different. Well, both his friends did his usual routine of teasing me, but he didn’t. He didn’t torment me for that whole day and I didn’t meet him since morning. I was walking at one of the corridors when he suddenly jumped me. “What do you want, you idiot…” I said, under my breath. He looked left and right to see whether was there anyone around and pulled me aside. “Francis! What are you doing? Let go!” I said and tried to loosen his grip, he was pinning my shoulder onto the wall. He didn’t let go. “Joan…I…I like you…” he blurted out. I stared at him, trying to analyze what he had just said. He put his hand into his pocket and took out a crumpled piece of paper. He put the paper into my hand and ran as fast as he could out of the building. I stared at the piece of paper in my hand, it was his phone number. Little did I know what would happened if I called him. But in the end we got together, like yin and yang.

For the past 3 years, we both had done a lot of things together. He taught me how to play the archery and I taught him how to control his awful temper. We learned a lot of things by helping each other. He brought me to the junior-senior prom that was held in school. We done stupid things together with his friends and sister like playing the game ‘Spin the Bottle’ and ‘7 minutes in heaven’ which were actually quite fun. On the 3rd year of our relationship, we both bought each other white and yellow stripped rings to remind ourselves about our then current relationship. We were happy until he told me he was about to leave. I was very upset about this and was in a depressed state for nearly 3 days straight. When he finally got hold on me, he asked what we are going to do with our relationship then. I thought long and hard and in the end, I made my decision. “Let’s just break up…” I replied. Even though it stings me so badly, I know that there was no point in having a long-distance relationship at such a young age. We argued and fought about this. In the end, he gave in and respected my decision, reluctantly.

On the eve on his departure, we threw a farewell party for him. It was a small and casual one with a little bit of drinking under the supervision on his parents. He and his friends were happily chatting away while I tore away from the happy group to go out to the balcony. ‘What am I gonna do now?’ I thought as I gaze at the night sky. Suddenly, I felt someone’s arms embraced me from behind. “What are you thinking about?” he asked as he perched his head on my shoulder to gaze at the night sky with me. “What to do when you are gone…” I replied as I leaned my head on his. “Don’t think about it, ‘kay?” I just nodded and he kissed me on my cheek. He took out his ring and gave it to me, “Keep this, along with yours….”

Even though we had been together for 3 years now, we hadn’t really kissed. I mean on the lips. Cheek, yes. Lips, no. He left for Australia and promised to come back and visit. He came back roughly six months later. During those six months, I tried to live like how I did before I got together with Francis. On the outside, I look as though as nothing happened before, but deep down, my heart was still wounded.
When he came back his friends decided to throw a party for him to catch up on things. They consume some alcohol based drinks and were on high status. They decided to play a game ‘Truth or Dare?’. Francis got picked at the 2nd round. He was dared to kiss me. I didn’t know he would really do it. He walked towards me just kiss me. It was a peck but it gave me butterflies all around my body. After they had finished the game, I went and asked him, “Did you just do that in because the game?” He gave a casual smile and said, “No…because I wanted to…” and leaned towards me and kissed me but only this time, it wasn’t a peck on the cheek or on the lips but it lasted for nearly two whole minutes.

Well, we are not together now. But we are on a good friendship basis. Up until now, I still keep the rings we both bought. In the end, he finally got what he wanted. You would know what does this mean if you know me, if not, ask me personally. See whether I would want to tell you. Last but not least, I would just want to tell you that I miss you.

****************************************************
Was rather sad when i written this, took me 2 hours? 3? Idk...
If you wanna know whether is this a true story, ask me personally.
Ta!

Next...

Plan to publish in school magazine and in Star NIE...
Enjoy...

*************************************************

More than a Friend
I have a friend, a BFF. I bet your BFF is the same sex as you… right? Well, mine’s different. My best friend is a guy, while I’m a girl. But in the end, he was more than a friend to me… you would understand if you continue reading this…

Before my senior year ended, I started to date a jock. We dated about six months. All the girls in school envied me for dating this super cute hottie, Brian. I would always hang out with Patrick during my spare time, before I started dating Brian. “Hey, Lily… where’re we going to hang out?” he would asked on every Friday night. But after I got together with Brian, I would spend every single second with him. I know I sound desperate but what can I do? It’s the first time I have a boyfriend, right? Since then, my time with Patrick was limited. Our friendship grew apart, day by day. Occasionally, I would see him. When I did, he always had that sad look in his eyes which he tried to camouflage by smiling. But I didn’t care. Those six months were the happiest months of my life. Brian would playfully whisper ‘I love you...’ which always gives me butterflies in my stomach. He even brought me to our senior prom. To people’s eyes, we looked like a happy couple. But we were facing problems. I found out that Brian was dating a sophomore. I was sad and angry; he was two timing me all this while. I had enough. “It’s over!” I yelled at him. I slapped his face harshly and walked away, tears streaming down my eyes. My heart was broken into pieces.

News travelled fast in the small place I lived in. Soon enough, Patrick knew about it and came over. “Lily? Are you okay?” he asked once I opened the door. I couldn’t hold my feelings any longer and just hugged him tightly. He comforted me, reassuring me. He stayed with me until sunset. I cried my eyes out and while I cursed that two timing bastard. He just kept quiet and lent his shoulder for me to cry on, and hugged me. Soon, my wounded heart was sewn back. Since that day, our friendship grew stronger then ever.

We spent every second together for the whole summer. We would just lie down on the grass, looking back our childhood. I was so happy. For once, I hoped that the time would freeze, just for me.

“I got my college application! I finally gotten my FREAKING COLLEGE APPLICATION!!!” he screamed in delight.

I was very happy for him, truly am. But deep down, I felt… sad. I know its fine to feel sad for these type things, but this feeling was different. I get tense, thinking that Patrick would be miles away from me. ‘Why do I feel like this?’ I thought, trying to think of reasons for my sudden behavior. Since, he would be leaving for college soon; I tried to spend every free time I had with him. And I cherished it. One day, exactly a week before his departure, we were sitting at his porch, watching the twinkling stars in the night sky. “Lily, I’ll miss you when I’m at college…” he said. I turned my gaze from staring at the stars to look at him. He stared into my eyes while I stared into his. I suddenly felt my heart leap at the sight of his eyes. He was so close to me. ‘Oh God…’ The sight of his eyes took my breath away. I quickly turned my head towards the opposite side. I felt my face blushed slightly. “What’s wrong?” he asked. I just shook my head. I leaned onto his strong, broad shoulder. “I’ll miss you, too…” I asked. “I may be back for my semester holidays in May…” he said. I just replied sadly, “Oh…”Patrick noticed my sad expression. He stroked my hair and said, “Tell you what. Let’s make a promise to meet up when I’m back…okay?” I just nodded, not trusting my voice to speak; I was at the point of breaking down. He kissed me on my forehead.

For the next few days, my mind was always clouded, clouded with messy thoughts. I kept thinking to myself, ‘Why do I feel so sad about him leaving…’ In the end, I knew why. On the eve on Patrick’s departure, I was getting some stuff ready. I was going with him to his hostel to help set things up. I was rummaging my cabinet when I found a photo album. There were lots of pictures of me and Patrick since pre-school. There was a picture of us in the sand box at our pre-school, throwing sand at each other. I smiled to myself. There was also a photo of us at our year ten formal dance. Patrick was my date. I used to have braces then. I was happily smiling towards the camera, showing my ugly braces. Patrick had this huge pimple on the left side of his face, but he was still grinning in front of the camera, arm around my shoulders. A sense of nostalgia came over me. I was crying at the sight of all those photos of us. At that moment, I knew why I didn’t want him to go off to college. I love him. It hit me hard. ‘I’m gonna miss him so, so much…’

The next day, we took a ride to his college hostel. When we got there, we started cleaning his dusty room. By the end of the day, it was clean already. It was already late dusk and my dad was still not there to give me a ride home. So, we walked around Patrick’s new campus. It was quite late so we sat at one of the benches there. Both of us were awkwardly quiet. The silence was deafening. I was staring at the ground. In my heart, I was silently crying. “Lily… I wanna tell you something…” he said. I turned to listen to him. In a split second, his face was right in front of me, just a few centimeters away. He closed his eyes and moved forward and kissed me. He grabbed both of my hands by my wrists and leaned forward me a little more. I closed my eyes, too. Blushing a little, he said, “Lily… I love you for a very long time”. He gave me an envelope. Dad came soon after that. On the way back home, my stomach kept doing summersaults. ‘Oh my God! He loves me too…’ I took out the envelope that Patrick gave me and opened it. It was a picture of us, when we were like ten. At the right top corner, he written: I ♥ you…

I took out my phone and started typing:

-I love you too…

And sent it. Within a few seconds, I got a message.

-I should come back every weekend then? =)

Since then, our friendship grew strong, along with our relationship. We share and compromise things; and now, we both share the same last name and two beautiful children.

My story....

Hey, this is a little something I've written for the past hour. Hope you enjoy. *Mind my grammar, may have mistakes*





****************************************************


“Kristy! Don’t go! I’m sorry!” He ran after me and caught me by my arm. I glared at him and wrench my arm out from his grip. “Go away…” I replied softly, still glaring at him angrily. “Kristy, please…I’m sorry…I…” I cut him off and screamed at him, “GO AWAY!!!” I ran out of the house and into the rain. I ran as fast as I could, trying not to fall, on the slippery ground. I still could hear his faint call of my name, far behind me. I ran towards a nearby bus stop where I usually hang out with Danny, my friend. I just sat there, soaking wet from head to toe. The anger inside me slowly faded, and replaced by sadness. ‘Why had I fallen for him...?’ I thought to myself. Inside me, there was this awful ache. I caught sight of the bracelet that HE gave me. The sight of the bracelet made me tear a little. I thought back the times where we were happy…

Tom and I was a couple for about four months. Before that, I would always hang out with Shelly and Danny. But Shelly got together with a senior at a neighboring school, so Danny and I hang out more often then. I always enjoy the time I spent with him. I would always have that queasy feeling when I talk to him. Our time together were nice and enjoying, until I met Tom. We started to get close after we met at a party. Soon enough, we started having feelings for each other and in the end, we got together. He has this loving smile which always makes me feel light headed. Our days together were lovely. But my time with Danny was getting lesser, day by day. I know he felt a bit sad that I couldn’t really spent time with him as often as I could, but he didn’t seem to mind. He would always be there for me if I have any problems. Recently, I found out that Tom had been going out with a freshman in school. I was very angry at him and confronted him about it. We argued, quite badly. I called him a bastard, two timing and player which I think had trigger his feelings ‘cause he slapped me, hard. I was shocked at his action towards me. “It’s over….” I whispered, so softly only he could hear. His mouth agape in surprised. His eye brow frowned with a worried expression. “Kristy, I’m sorry….so sorry….” He tried to hug me but I pushed him back. “Don’t you dare touch me…” I said under my breath. He tried again, “Kristy, I’m sorry, I was just fooling around.” I ran before he could even lay a finger on me. “Kristy! Don’t go! I’m sorry!” He ran after me and caught me by my arm. I glared at him and wrench my arm out from his grip. “Go away…” I replied softly, still glaring at him angrily. “Kristy, please…I’m sorry…I…” I cut him off and screamed at him, “GO AWAY!!!”

Now, I’m here thinking back what had happened. I was sobbing hysterically. Suddenly, my cell rang. It was from Danny. “Hello?” I asked, trying to control my raging emotions. “Kristy! Where are you? I’ve been finding for a long time. Where are you?” he asked frantically. I cried even more at the sound of his voice. “Kristy! Shh…..calm yourself…tell me where you are now…” he asked again. “At the bus stop….near my place…” I mumbled. Tear stains on my cheeks. Soon, I heard someone called my name. “Kristy!” I turned to where the sound was coming from. It was Danny, with an umbrella in hand. I was so happy to see him that I ran out into the rain to hug him. “Kristy!” “Hey? What happened? Come on, let’s go back to the bus stop. You looked cold.” He put his jacket around me and led me back to the bus stop. “What happened?” he asked. Slowly, I told him what had happened between me and Tom.
“Shh…come here…” he said and gave me a reassuring hug. He stayed with me for quite some time, just casually talking to me. “There, you don’t need a guy like him…” he said, and wiped my tear stains dry. “Don’t cry anymore…you look beautiful, you know…” he said. I eyes widened with surprise. When he understood what had he just said, his face went to a dark shade of red. We both went quite. The only sound left was the ‘pita-pata’ of the rain water, dropping onto the ground.

Both of our eyes were fixated at each other. His face moved nearer to mine, just a few centimeters away from me. He lifted his hand to put my loose hair, which was covering my face, back behind my ear. He looked at me and stared into my eyes. He moved in that few centimeters and kissed me. I was in a state of a shock but I kissed him backed and we embraced. We kissed for about a good two minutes before we finally let go. ‘Why did he do that?’ I just continued to stare at him with a curious look. “Oh my God…I’m sorry! I didn’t know what I was thinking. I shouldn’t have kissed you…” he said with an apologetic look on his face. I suddenly have this bizarre thought in my mind. “Danny, you have a crush on me….do you?” I blurted before I could even stop myself from saying it. Obviously, my question caught him off guard. His mouth was agape at my question and was trying to think of a way to reply my question. “Erm…I….yeah. I do…for quite sometime now…” he replied nervously. I smiled a little at his answer and asked “Why didn’t you tell me?” “You were with Tom…” he replied. “Well, I’m not. Now.” I smiled and let out a little giggle. He smiled and started to kiss me again. I took off the bracelet Tom had given me and dumped in onto the wet ground.

We’ve been together for five months now, and still counting.
****************************************************
Suppose to write this during one of the English class at school but because of the lack of time, I written SOMETHING like that. This the full version. Hope you enjoy it...
Comments Please (Anywhere; Facebook or right here)....