Sunday, October 31, 2010

I love you, not only for what you are, But for what I am when I am with you.

"I love you, not only for what you are, But for what I am when I am with you..."

A new story coming up soon! Wait for it! =)

Thursday, October 28, 2010

That was the last time I saw him

This type of stories normally isn't something I normally don't write...so, here it is...enjoy...

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My father used to be my role model in my younger days. He was my pillar of strength, my shoulder to cry on. I loved him as much as he loved me. He pampered me and lavished me with many presents. He taught me music and shaped me into a child prodigy in music. Everything was going very well, until one day. One night, I went downstairs to get something. It was already going to be 1 o’clock in the morning when Father came home, with a bottle in his palm and very red in face. Mother came down and started yelling him, he too, yelled back. I did not understand what they were arguing about because I was still very young at that time. But it made me feel sad when they did that. They fought and argued occasionally for a long time. This scenario happened every single time like it was on a repeat button or something. But one day, something different happened in the routine. They were yelling at each other when I saw my father took out his old luggage bag and threw some of his things into it, packed it up and walk out of our front door and never returned.

When I was growing up, I soon learned bits and pieces about what had happened that cause my parents to separate. I found out that father had cheated on mother. That made me felt angry. Soon, I hated my father for doing so. One day, I had gotten an invitation to audition in the world most prestigious music college in the world in London but I declined the offer. Because it was the exact same music school my father wanted me to go. Since he left, I stopped playing the piano. I don’t want to remember nor follow in my father’s footsteps nor his dreams. For 5 years since he had left our home, I had never saw him once.

One day while I was out grocery shopping for mother downtown, I saw someone lying on the pavement, hugging his torso area, in agony. It was a man. When I got to him, I was shock to see who he was. It was father. He got a glance on me and fainted in my arms. You may think I would leave him there to die right there, right? Well, I didn’t. Even how much I hate my father at that time. He was still my father and forever will be. So, I quickly dialed 911 and called for the ambulance. Soon, the ambulance came and I went with him. I waited and waited for nearly an hour before the doctor who was examining my father came out from his room. It was Mr. Robinson, our family doctor. When he did come out, I asked how my father was doing. The news he told me broke my heart. Father was having a stomach cancer. The cancer had spread to his lungs and liver. And he was not going to live long; he was having the third stage of cancer, the last stage. That piece of news hit me hard. I never once thought that he would die. At that point of time, I didn’t know what to do. I felt…alone. “Go in and see your father, Lily. He misses you…” he said and that, he walked away, leaving me to decide whether or not to go and see him. I sat down outside his ward and let everything sank in. After a few minutes or so, I decided to see him. When I got in, he was conscious already after all the medication. I saw in his eyes he was very happy to see me. With tears in my eyes, I asked “Why didn’t you tell us? Why?” I knelt close to him and asked again, “Why?” His once strong fingers now felt so weak wiped away my tears, “I didn’t want you and mother to be worried about me…I’m sorry for not saying…” he too started tearing a bit too. He pulled me close to him and hugged me tightly.

The doctor said that he may only live for another 3 to 4 months, which was not long. I visited him in the hospital every day. One day in the hospital, I found out something that made me regret for hating my father. I went back home, fuming. When I got back home, I yelled, “Mother! Where are you?!” Mother came down and asked me what was going on. I didn’t care to answer but got straight to the point, “Was it you who were having the affair? Not father?” When I said that, I can see it in her eyes that she knew I had found out the truth. We argued over and over but in the end, the cat is out of the bag. No more secrets and lies about why did they went through the divorce. I was so angry with myself for hating my father that way. I wanted to kill myself for doing so. I went to the hospital straight after that to see him and to ask him to forgive me. “Lily, I already had forgiven you…I just don’t want you to hate your mother because she had done something wrong…don’t hate her too…you’ll need her…” he said. I hugged him tightly and said, “But she made me hate you for something you didn’t even do…she has no right for doing that…” while I cried. He stroked my hair and wiped my tears and said, “Love her as much as you love yourself. It’s not her fault that I’m dying. The Lord wants me to be with him sooner than all of us had expected. Love the Lord too, for he had given me such a beautiful daughter who I love dearly…”

For 4 months, he was okay until one day; he vomited blood in the hospital and went unconscious after that. I rushed to the hospital when I saw Mr. Robinson finished checking up on father. “Doctor….is he gonna be okay?” I asked worriedly. Mr. Robinson looked straight into my eyes with this sad look. From that look, I knew something was amiss. He let out a sigh and replied, “Your father is soon going home with the Lord…give it another few more days…” And with that, my knees gave way and I just broke down. He gave me an assuring pat on the shoulder and helped me up to see my father. When I went into his room, father was on heavy medication and was unconscious. I decided to stay with him for the next few days, not going anywhere but just beside his bed during his last days. He was still not awake the next few days. I normally slept on the chair beside his bed. One particular morning, I felt someone holding onto my palm. I looked up and saw that father was awake. He had this radiant glow in his face. He gave me a knowing smile. I felt tears in my eyes because I knew his time was almost up. “Lily, my beloved daughter, I want you to follow dreams and pursue it. Continue love your mother even if she had done wrong and had hurt you. Love the Lord. And I also want to tell you that…I love you…” And with that, he closed his eyes forever and breathe his last. I followed his advice and went and pursue my music career in the college who had given me the invitation letter to audition in their college. That was the last time I saw him.