Embrace Someone's flaws, and Not cover Them

I was going through my pile of stuff when I stumble upon a small blue gift box. Instantly, I remember what is inside it. A letter, a self-penned song, a small framed lucky clover and also, a necklace. 'Should I open this?' After a couple of seconds, I took out the contents of the box.

I didn't bother reading the letter and the song, because I could still remember every single word in there. I took out the small lucky clover. I remember how this was my lucky charm and how much importance it had given me as if it truly gave me luck along the way. I put that away and took the wrapper which contains the necklace.

It was a tiny necklace with the word 'I ♥ U' as the pendant. The heart was in pink. Another colour I dislike. I am wondering whether do you ever listen to me to what I say.

The necklace was normal steel I think. Which is why I couldn't wear it 24/7. Come to think of it, I don't think you ever listen.

So what you knew my secrets, my habits, my flaws or my dreams. You know how awkward was it for me to meet you the first time like that. You didn't even break the ice even though we were a couple met online. Heck. I told what I was uncomfortable of. And yet you say you gonna give it a go anyway. You were damn lucky I didn't slap you right there and then. Maybe because I knew of your temper.

You knew I am not comfortable with physical contact with strangers...even thought we are considered dating. I had problems with physical contact with my last ex until a couple of months later when I got used to it. Yet, straight up yoy went and hold my hand. Maybe I allow it because it was during the show, nobody would see. But intermission you were wondering why don't I want to hold your hand. I actually flinch away. Something I try not to do. Holding hands is one thing, but kissing me is another. You didn't even bother.

I remember telling you straight off I have problems with people just poking me. Even if its friends, relatives or people I am having a relationship with. Then there is the part where I dislike the colour pink for some reason. I tried to wear the necklace. But I didn't like it. You said you try to make me wear something pink. I am actually fuming here.

I notice you tried to change me. To be someone you prefer. Fine. I am more or less a tomboy, a person who is not keen on physical contact unless I have been physically with for months. I feel that that one year we've been together was you trying to change me. Maybe that's why I had so much problem a year and a half to try and move on. Because so much of what you did, I give in because I was terrified to loose you like how I have lost my last relationship. But I know now that you meant nothing to me, especially what your last words were before you left for the UK. "I hope my presence in your life had changed something about you."

Hell yeah did I change. I change my perception on guys. Never to find one who plans to change you when they could've just try and embrace you.

Scars in the past

I was holding onto a piece of glass statue. You know, those things that looks darn pretty because of the many elaborated but yet simple carvings and cuttings of the glass. Each carves and cuts gave a unique sort of colour when admiring it in the light. Suddenly, I thought that piece of beauty was like another thing that was beautiful, love.

Polishing it is like the happy moments you have with each other. All the best memories. You can never have enough of that. To make each of us happy.

Like the glass masterpiece, each cuts and carves give something new. Everyone gets hurt in love... By all the cuts and bruises, whether or not physically or emotionally. But like the glass statue, it you could withstand all of that, it will turn out to be something to admire about.

I used to admire people who was together for so long, not because of the duration, but how far those two has come about. Its like the same theory in the glass statue.

But it there are too many cuts and carves, the glass may not stand it, and break in the end. Too much pain pushes a relationship into that side too. And those tiny pieces of fragmented glass cuts into you and you start to bleed.

Those tiny shards of glass is heartbreak. Each tiny piece punctures into your skin and the blood comes. It feels the same way, somehow. Maybe because each glass is a memory. One memory stabs you where it hurts the most. One piece and another are memories in your mind of the good times, but it makes you cry.

The wound would still be there unless you decided to release the pieces of glass and let time heal. Slowly it will heal by it own and a new skin would take its place, stronger and harder.

You know someone has fallen for you when they do not care of the scars in the past.

Hey...

I know the reason you are not answering my calls... I know you in and out since we were kids...heck, I know nearly EVERYTHING about you. So yea, this couple of months meant a lot to me, especially when my dad went. You were by my side no doubt you know the tendencies of falling again and getting hurt is, well, fucking too damn high. Sorry for the profanity, but I am stating the emphasis. And, I guess you got hurt again.

Sorry.

Well, you really did helped me, again. Jesus, I need to get a grip on myself again.

But I am reeeeeaaaaaallllyyyy very sad that I can't make you smile like you used to again. I miss that.

I miss the times together. Period. I can't express much through words. You know how bad is me expressing. Hah!

And well, yeah, I do read your blog. I love readinng your feelings. Really. Because sometimes, I know something is bothering you, but I have no idea what.

But recently, I don't see anything new on your blog. I miss reading it now.

What the hell. I don't even know what to say now. Hmmp. You see, I know even after these few months, whatever I have felt for those 3 years, or even more, hadn't change. I still, well, pretty much love you. I had tried to move past this, I guess I'm not. When I found out that you moved on and found another guy, I was pretty much jealous and everything. But then if he is the one that makes you happy, I am fine with it. But when I found out that he hurt you again, I wanted to really punch him, or someone. Hah. But then, it was because of me you got hurt again. I was the one. If I hadn't left you those years ago, you wouldn't be like this. If I hadn't asked you for a relationship, you won't be like this. If I hadn't fall for you, you wouldn't get depress. If I hadn't met you, you wouldn't get hurt. I was the bastard.

I'm just as fucked up as anybody when I knew you were hurt. I knew deep down that wound is not gone yet. Because I knew you.

Sighs. I hope you are okay. Especially whatever you are feeling under that smile you have there.

Maybe we can never have what we have again, but it was great Bunnyhead. It was, well, the best.

I love you, no matter what. And I'm sorry.

Gah.

There are times when I try not to get involve. People just pull me in... I make mistakes that costs a lot too easy. Sigh.