Reality call

Ok, I guess I have stupid envisions of the future that I thought it might happen, which in reality, it doesn't. I thought that all would be the same as the past, all of what I hoped for would fall back into place. But no, after more than 3 months, it still the same. What had changed was, I thought you had gave up on it. Well, I think what I saw was wrong, but sadly, I eventually had given up on it, after nearly a year...  The crying stops for awhile, the clingy feeling left, loneliness seeps in. I actually aknowledged you as my first, not my second. Why? Because my first did not make me feel comfortable in my own skin, I did not fall in love with him at all. It was all the illusion of love that covered my senses. No doubt I cry about because, well, I guess I thought I was in a relationship. But in reality, I don't think I was. Sigh. Oh well. What I could I do?

First Semester of College, checked!

Well, first sem in UCSI is over, so was the breaks. The first week of second sem started, nearly towards the end. All and all, I think I am getting the hang of my new schedule, besides my majors which is somewhat rather messed up. Still have uber awesome friends I have made during the first sem. Had mediocre results, good, but not great. Choir concert was absolutely awesome! Funny adventures was present.

So, now to survive second semester and improve!

My logic

This is my logic,
The more you hurt me,
Unexpectally or purposely,
A piece of you would leave,
Hurt will take its place,
And soon,
Turn into thin air,
Each tear that falls,
Represent each memory leaving,
The good,
And the bad.
From what was a full jar,
Filled with smiles and laughter,
Right to the brim,
Being reduced,
Bit by bit.
And if its too late,
If its very near to the bottom of the jar,
There's no point trying to salvage back whatever you want.

Repeat, repeat, and repeat again.

Having felt like being used, being taken advantage of is like, being punched multiple times till it hurts everywhere, every single muscle you have in you. But the wound will never go away, nothing could make it leave. Being toyed around with emotions and feelings, being taken advantage because you are just being nicer than others, it is just crap. Might as well be mean, be more cruel. Knowing this had been going on for so long, but, not knowing how to stop all this. All I could do, is bottle up all the pain, the emotional wounds, all the bad memories, and even the good, until I couldn't take it any longer and just break down once I am alone. And the cycle repeats itself until it is no longer able to be repeated. Some comments, some words, some actions do sting me, but I try to brush them off. But it is never good to hurt the same pain again and again. Most people have others to talk to. Well, I am not most people.