Priority and Options

I had a boyfriend previously, he was sweet, loving, caring too. He made me feel special and unique, unlike the way how I see myself before I met him. He made me feel happy, every second. But something happened between the two of us and we broke off after a year. Those twelve months was the best, but what followed after was hell.

I tried to forget him after that, I tried, but he decided to still keep in contact with me, I agreed too. We could talk for hours and hours and even text too. I know deep down I still love him and all but I knew deep down I had to stop this nonsense and move on.

I felt as thought as we could work this all out, all the problems we faced that led us to the break up point, because I feel that we both still love each other. I remember telling him, "Hey, I know I shouldn't be telling you this, but I still love you..." I was waiting for a positive reply of agreement or at least a mild rejections but I got non. "I don't know. I am still very confused..." So I gave him time.

Five months passed and we still go through our daily messages. I asked again, and the same reply was given, "I am confused..." I tried to reason with him, tell him that I know I felt that he has feelings for me. "Well, I know that. But the reason the both of us we are in this situation is because of you, you led me into the break up..."

Those words stung me deep, even till now. I tried to forget him, but I still couldn't. I tried to move on, but I still couldn't. I want to the answer rather than being led on to nowhere. But I still waited.

We tried to be as normal as we could, but I knew very well. It is either we get together and forget whatever that happened before, or we lose each other, even as friends, and back to strangers again.

I started to feel annoyed, but maybe it is not right to feel so. Since I wasn't his girlfriend anymore, but still, telling me your childhood crushes, your current crushes and your problems with your feelings to me? It is as bad as me beginning of our relationship talking about my ex. I was just trying to get used to your presence as my boyfriend then, was it a mistake to do so? Maybe. I am sorry if it was.

It was only until at one time he texted me, "The reason why I couldn't move on, is because of you..."

That was the end, I totally went hysteria. I was literally heartbroken, all the blames you put on me, I had enough. I know you wouldn't remember all the blames you said, even this, but I remember them as clear as the morning dew.

But I feel very foolish, to think that we would ever get back. But I am foolish, because I am waiting for you like a fool. I feel led on, betrayed, after I see that you loved someone else without settling our problems. I feel he doesn't deserve my wait anymore for his uncertainties.

Maybe I loved you far too much to be willing enough to wait for your decision. But like a wise person who said, "Don't make someone a priority, when they make you an option."

I swear to God I will never wait for you to toy my feelings and push me around and let you hurt me. I was foolish before, but never now, when it comes to you.