Dear Diary

(All this, is not real)

Dear Diary,

I want to end this chapter of my life with a bittersweet one, so let’s get started:

I was sitting at the balcony with him, leaning on his shoulder. He was playfully stroking my hair while I was deep in thought. “What are you thinking, dear?” he asked. I was reluctant to tell him what I was thinking but eventually gave in, “I was wondering…well, why on earth you liked me from the beginning?” He was still playing with my hair, when he suddenly replied, “Well, I just like you…”

I moved away from him and looked at him quizzically. “What does that mean?” I asked. “Like what I had just said, I just like you…” I could see he was a little annoyed. “Care to explain that? Because all I remember was that you hated my gut before you tried to become my friend…”

“Well, I liked you personality…you had a very different personality from the people I know. You looked tough on the outside, but deep down, you are a very kind person, lovable, cute also. To be honest, I really didn’t know why I fell for you…maybe, I just liked you.”

He kissed me on the forehead and hugged me. “I know I will never find the same person like you…”

I knew I liked him too. But I also know that he is not the one. True enough, he wasn’t.

I couldn’t stand the way he is, he always never thinks before he talks, and most of the time, the words he says makes me upset. And he doesn’t know why. Some things that are not my fault, he blames me for it, until I really cannot stand it any longer.

But I do miss the times when we were together, he would help me when I am in need, he would make me feel special, he would be there when I need him. I always felt safe when he hugged me, even though I was never a fan of hugs or embraces.

I guess the only thing I remember about him the best was during the time when we both decided to stay at the city till late at night, during New Year’s Eve. It was weird to be there, sitting by the fountain. We were looking at the late night sky, just waiting for the fireworks. We told each other that we wanted to make a wish and then tell each other. Suddenly at the stroke of midnight, the fireworks came and went. Both of us closed our eyes, him hugging me. After a couple of seconds, I heard him asked, “So, what’s your wish?” I cocked my head to a side and said, “Well, I just want this to not end…” Then I turned to look at you, “What’s your wish?”

He gave a thought and said, “Well, you wanted to stop time and wish this was forever. I want more things like these to happen every time.” And with time, he kissed me, the first time. It was weird, but who cares.

I guess I was too engrossed at being with you that I let myself get hurt far too many times. You blamed me for ridiculous things. You blamed me for not letting you move on after we had broken up, you blamed me that I was confusing you, you blamed me for not ignoring you after we had broken up, have you ever thought of me?

Have you ever thought of the ways you had toyed with my feelings? Have you ever thought of the words you had hurt me with and why it had hurt me? You will never know how many times I forgave you or even tried to forgive you.

I guess maybe it is my fault. But it’s too late to change any of that now.

 I am sorry, but I still love you.

 

This will be the final chapter of my life with you, I know I will miss you. Bye.