Sad Eyes

I remember my favourite friend, companion, listener, past away on 12 February 2012, my pet dog.

I had him when I was a year old, I remember my uncle from Penang had 2 puppies who just recently opened their eyes. My parents wanted a dog to keep me safe at that time because I was alone at home while they worked.

So they've decided to bring back both male puppies back from Penang. I remember that 4 hour long ride back from Penang was uncomfortable for them. With the air con on full blast for them, they tried to sleep. The older of the 2 was the alpha dog while the younger one was the shadow of his older brother.

I was at the age of not able to named them myself, so my dad took the liberty to name them Black 1, and Black 2 (Very unimaginative. And yes, both puppies were black).

Black 1 was the older one, the rebellious one. I didn't particularly like him because he bit me once. But he was the out going one, the braver one. A fierce dog he is, he had bitten countless of people before. He has a long tail, short snout, a wolf's eyes.

Black 2 was the younger. The quiet and shy dog. I loved him, he was the one I always talked to whenever I was sad, angry or even when I am happy. He has a very short turf of fur as his tail, sad puppy eyes, a short snout, with a gentle demeanor.

Black 1 was the family's favourite, because he the stronger and braver one. Sadly, his life was short, he grew up to about the age of 12 human years. He had a particular skin disease, becausr of his diet, he eats everything and everything. The doctor said he was suffering and had to be put to sleep. I didn't see him pass on, I couldn't see any animal die with my own eyes. I was sad. Mostly because Black 2 was alone, crying on most days as his brother was not around anymore.

Soon, Black 2 moved on. He was still the quiet dog, but something changed, he followed me everywhere I walked in the house compound, as if protecting me. I would pet him, scratched a spot behind his ears and loves me doing. I remember telling him about my first boyfriend (first ex) and he would patiently listen without doing anything or moving around. The only movements was the sudden movements of his ears for any danger and the blinks of his sad puppy eyes. I remember how he let my then boyfriend to pet him, something he wouldn't allow to my other friends. I guess he knew who my boyfriend was. It was sweet.

After I broke up, I was a wrecked. I couldn't talk to anyone, not even my family. So I talked to Black 2. He would rub his wet nose against my leg and look at me with his sad eyes. I was well after a couple of months because of him.

I never played games with him, because I didn't know how to. All I did was talk to him like a regular person.

I was happy with the relationship I had with him, he is like a brother to me, shared a particular similar soul.

But I lost him during his 17th human year.

A year before he passed on, he had trouble walking, the doctor said because he was old, arthritist. But it wouldn't affect much because he loves to lie down all the time.

Then a few months before he died, a cat died in our drain. We couldn't find where was the dead carcass. For a week we searched, Black 2 found it first, we quickly got rid of the bloated body, but I think the poisonous stench got the best of my beloved friend.

He became lethargic, couldn't digest his food properly and became tragically thin. The doctor said he has a heart problem and only has a few days to live, or even only a week. I was upset, cried and prayed that he would get better. It was a miracle he survived and made a fast recovery.

But the final months and weeks was painful. His hind legs got too stiff to walk around anymore. He needs me to help him get up to stand. He get out of breath very soon. It became like this until he collapse.

He couldn't stand straight let alone walk steadily. The doctor decided to get a blood sample to see if there is anything wrong. But nothing was. He was like this for 4-5 days.

He couldn't stand up, even when I help him. We gave him a blanket, syringe filled with glucose water to feed him

Those few days felt like an eternity. I see him suffer, the doctor said any moment he would pass on. I see him looking at me with those sad eyes again, like asking me whether would I be okay without him. 'Please...you can go now, leave the suffering. I will be okay' was the only thing on my mind.

That evening it rained. I went to feed him and put a blanket on him. He gave a long, soft whine. I pet him with tears in my eyes. In less than half an hour, I saw him breath his last.

I still feel his soul linger around the house, as if he is still watching me. I truly miss him. And those sad eyes.