Looking over to the sea of green, expecting an aroma of scented tea leaves, but being wafted by the smell of rain. "Is not as cold as I remember now..." I looked over, seeing him looking out at the same green bushes of tea leaves. "You have not been here for a long time, have you?" He just shrugged, "I guess..."
Gotten a cake or two, and a cup of green tea to share, we sat across each other and just enjoyed the slightly chilly weather. I look over at the young man sitting in front of me, thinking, "Damn...I have known him nearly all my life since I was 8. I have dated him for more than 3 years. And here I am, sitting in front of him, thinking back of the past. I remember being so depressed after we broke off. I also remember the times we had when we were still together. It was many years ago, but its still fresh, but I decided to forget it and just enjoy this short getaway.
After the cooling weather of Cameron, we decided to go down to Ipoh. I decided to take a nap while he drove, most probably I might get motion sickness and all. I remember him trying to hold onto my hand, and just pressed onto my wrist, to relieve certain pressure points so that I won't get dizzy. I pushed him away, and told him, "I really do not want to die in Cameron ya'know?" He chuckled and let go of me.
When we reached, both of us decided to just walk around town, and have a bite or two. It was really a nice lunch, and also a nice sight see around. I decided to take a few landscape shots around the town. "What are you doing?" he asked. He put his head on my right shoulder. Mind you, he is a tall dude. I just shrug him off. "Doesn't your back hurt if you do that?" I opened up the gallery and showed him. "That's beautiful..." he replied.
I decided to book a hotel room for myself and not bother his family about my presence there. I did not plan for him to stay over for a bit. We decided to watch some tellie when he suddenly asked, "Hey, what if I decided to come over back here once in awhile?" I looked at him and said, "No...I don't want you to do that. You know very well, that we both aren't what we used to be...and I don't want you to waste anymore money and time on me..." I lie on his shoulder and mumbled, "You need to find someone else..."
"Fine. But, I have something for you..." He took out a burgundy red velvet box from his jeans and opened it. Sitting inside, a dainty necklace with a small crucifix as a pendant. "Happy Birthday love..."
I looked at him, couldn't help but to give a toothless smile. I remember many years back, we both promised to get each other a birthday gift for each other for our 21st birthday, something to signify coming of age of being an adult. I remember last year, I got him a pair of cufflinks, with the letter "J" for each side. Only because, of our chosen middle names, Jude and Joan, something we decided to use as our confirmation name, and also by chance, it was of the same initial. I never thought he remembered my birthday.
I remember him as the young idiot who used to bully and taunt me, scrapped my knee, kinda hurt me emotionally in the past, the young lad who used to be a pain to me, and also become the love in the past. But he was also the one that broke my heart first. He was the one who showed me so much, and I was also the one, who could help him with his temper. Looking at him now, those familiar dark eyes. Without knowing, I actually grazed my fingers on his jaw line.
I removed my then current necklace, which was also of one he had given to me. I pulled my hair aside to let him help me wear the necklace. I looked into his eyes, and just whispered, "Thank you..."
Just after that, I send him off, telling him to go back home to his mum. I remember telling him after that night, no more gifts, no more presents. He gave me a hug, and I closed a door on him.
Sitting on the bed, and stared at the spot he sat on just moments before. I remember very well, that I wanted to kiss him, but refrained myself from doing so. Because I know I can never stand myself from going through the distance again. And also, I cannot let him leave his mother alone, after his dad passed away. I want him to settle down there with his mum.
I looked at the mirror, and not to look at myself but at the pendant he had given me, and the one thing he had said that made me shiver, as if in the past: "Happy Birthday love..."
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