It was the eve of Valentine’s Day. I thought I could pull
myself together, like how I did for the last 8 months. But when I saw him
together with another girl, I knew I couldn’t. I ran back to where I came from;
my house, my room, my bed, my solitude for the last few months. I knew I had
taken too much time to move on, I knew that he was seeing someone right after
we broke off, but seeing it is to believe it.
When I reached back home, tears just come out naturally
without warning. The ache in my heart was still fresh as if it was 8 months
ago. I knew this has to stop. I took out a piece of paper and my pen and wrote
my heart out. I wrote until I fell asleep on the table.
I woke up with the sun shining through my blinds. I rubbed
my mildly swollen eyes. In front of me was the ‘masterpiece’ I had done last
night.
I wrote:
‘It was painful seeing you, knowing that I still love you. Smiling
at all the good things that happened between us, crying at all the hurtful
things you had made me feel. For many months I cried myself to sleep, because
everywhere was a memory of you; the park, the mall, the beach, the shops,
everywhere. I knew at some point this has to stop, when time heals. But, when
will that be. You told me I was your forever? You told me that even if we broke
up at some point you would still wait for me to embrace you back. All those
empty promises you gave, and I listened and waited for you. Now, seeing you
chasing after a girl you fell for, I felt as if you had stabbed me where it
hurts the most.
Was it my fault that you did this? Was I the reason that we
broke up? Maybe it was, but you gave empty promises, and I naively agreed. I was
stupid for a reason. Maybe this was it.
You told me when you leave, you would come back to me, but
seeing you now, it will never be real. The necklace you gave me was a lie. The words
‘I Love You’ was a lie. Everything you told me before was a lie. I never wished
I had ever laid eyes on you. I never wished I would know you. I never wished
you exist in my life.
The gifts you gave me, the words of comfort you told me, the
jokes you made me laugh, were just a scheme to let me fall for you. After that,
you threw me aside like I was a ragged doll. I don’t care whether your feelings
for me were ever true. Because the hurt you gave me over and over again was
enough to make me forget you.’
I knew it was harsh, it was painful, but that was how I felt
the last 8 months.
I let out a long breath and went hunting for things around
my house. I found a red ribbon and a used milk glass bottle with a cap on it. I
took that paper and along with the other things and left with my bike.
I rode to around town and saw many people with their loved
ones walking around. Some had chocolates, some had roses, some had jewelry,
some and poetry, but all of them had smiles on their faces. It was painful to
watch, still.
I rode my bike to the beach and parked it near a tree far
from the water. I took out all the things I had in my sling bag near the water.
I took out the paper and read it one last time and tied it with the ribbon. I put
the paper into the bottle. I was rummaging through my bag when I found it. The necklace
he had given me. I stare at it for a while. All the memories with him instantly
came back in my mind. I felt some moisture in my eyes. I took the necklace and
placed it in the bottle. I closed the cap tightly.
In less than five seconds, I threw the bottle as far as it
could go into the deep blue sea. I saw it disappear. I knew that wouldn’t heal
me much, but it was a start in the last 8 months. I knew in time I would be my
normal cherry self again. I knew I would be.
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