Dream

The first few months was rough after we’d split. I don’t know how did you feel about me then when you said you’d enough of our relationship. I knew how I felt though, I was crushed. I was really sad, crying every single night, hugging my pillow, and willed myself to sleep. It was like a ritual that would happen every single night for 3 months, even right up till I left home, my country to study overseas. In university, I buried myself in studies and homesickness, just trying to forget him, to erase all memories I had for him. I thought I was able to forget all of it, leave all that behind, until one night during my sleep.

It was nearly a year when I had this dream. I dreamt that I was back in my own country, drinking a warm cup of cappuccino in my favourite café. I was all alone. Like in most dreams, I didn’t know why I was there. The dream just started like that, without warning. The café was packed, full of people. I hear people laughing happily, smiling from ear to ear. Some were with their friends, while others were we their loved ones. I scanned through the crowd, hoping not to find someone I knew. But alas, I saw him, across the café. He was slowly sipping his drink, a hot latte I would have guessed, since it was his favourite drink. I wanted to stand up and walk over to him. But then I saw he wasn’t alone; he was with a girl, someone I never knew. I could see that they were chatting happily and very into the topic, whatever it is.

When I saw him, I didn’t notice how hard my hand was gripping onto my mug. I could feel all those memories with him flooded back with a gush. That familiar ache in my heart came back, the throbbing pain in my temples. I wanted to go to the loo, to keep my emotions at bay. I was at the sink, splashing water onto my neck and face. I breathe deeply, in and out, in and out. Soon, my emotions became steadier. When I know I would be okay, I wiped my face and walked out from the door. I closed the door behind me. I bumped into someone on the way back to my table. “Sorry...” I muttered. But instead of saying, “Nevermind.” I heard, “Dani?” Only one person calls me that. Calvin. I looked up and saw that same pair of warm chocolate brown eyes, looking into mine.  But I broke out gaze in an instance, went to pay the bill and left. I walked down the windy sidewalk when I heard him calling my name. My mind told me not to turn back to face him, but somehow, I did.

“Hey...” he said. I saw his tan skin, his ruffled brown hair, and his dark hazel eyes looking back at me. I felt my whole body became frozen, rigid, and stiff. I didn’t know what to say, to do. All I did, was to avoid his gaze. “How are you?” he asked, trying to get me to talk. “Danielle...” he pleaded, putting his hand on my shoulder. I shrugged it off. In the end, I spoke, “What do you want Calvin?” I said in this cold tone. “Dani...I just want to talk to you...please look at me...” he said.

All it took was just one look, all the memories came flooded back. I felt the tears fall when each memory came and went. I could hear the sudden urgency in Calvin’s voice. “Dani...are you okay?” He arms wanted to hug me, but I pushed him away. “Don’t touch me.” I snapped back through the sobs. I could see the sadness in his eyes. “Dani, I know I have hurt you very badly. But for the whole time we were apart, I miss you, I miss us...I miss our relationship.” he finally said. After all the minor drama that happened, we started talking about the old times, all the happy memories we had in the past. “It’s good to have you back, Dani...” he said. I just nodded, smiling. He hugged me and said, “I have to go, my friend is still waiting back in the café, will call you?” He smiled his best smile to me. I can’t help but to smile back. “Okay” was my only answer, the next thing that happened was unexpected, he kissed me, on the lips. I could feel his warm breathe, his strong arms around me.

Suddenly, I heard this loud ringing, very siren like. I opened my eyes and I found myself hugging a pillow. The ringing continued. It took me awhile to understand the situation, I was dreaming, me meeting Calvin, he kissing me, crying, everything. It was just a dream. I slammed my hand on the alarm, and all of the sudden, the whole room went quiet except for the sniffs I was making. It was just only 8 am. I decided to go back the dream, and relive it again, willing myself to continue the dream, since that was the only thing left I have about him. 

*

I still love you.