Melody, Darling

This was a story inspired by a song. While reading this, you could listen to the song 'Little Things' by 'One Direction'. And no, I am not a Directioner, I just like this song. Presenting: "Melody, Darling"

I was married to Kevin for nearly 30 years. Kevin is a quiet guy, never really speaks him mind out for the world to hear. I, on the either hand, was the noisy, out-going one. Maybe that was the reason why I agreed in marrying him, opposites attract, right? But my elder sister was surprised that I even agreed to marry him, 30 years ago. “I remember that you wanted to be like those married couples in the movies where the guys do all those romantic, soppy things to get the girl!” she said when I told her I was engaged to Kevin.

What she said was true; I was a dreamer when I was a teen. I wanted a guy to do all those romantic things during dates. But Kevin was never like that. He was the serious kind of guy and all.  I guess I grew up. People change, right?

I love Kevin for all I know. But I never knew how much he loved me, or that why did he loved me enough to proposed to me. I found out not during the wedding ceremony, but at the wedding reception.

I remembered the night of the wedding reception after the ceremony, I was so happy. All of our friends and family were there to celebrate our wedding. It was before cutting the wedding cake when Kevin decided to call for everybody’s attention. He stood up, took a fork and gently tap it on his champagne glass, giving a clean, and sophisticated ‘Clink-ing’ sound. “Everybody, I have something to tell all of you!” I could hear him say. Suddenly, everything was silent.

He stood up on a chair. I could see how nervous he was up on that chair. I didn’t know what he was doing. I was pretty worried he would fall off the chair. “Everyone, I wanted to say something before we cut the wedding cake.”

He cleared his throat and continued, “I just wanted to say thank you very much for being here today for both Melody and I for our wedding.” I hear a small applause at the back of me. I smiled to see him up there. But little did I know that he was far from over.

“I wanted to tell everybody the reason why I married Melody.

I loved Melody more than I love myself. I know that it is not visible to your eyes how much I loved her because I am not a do-er nor a talker, because I am not really a romantic person. I do try. But today, I want to show Melody how much I love her.

Melody darling, you are my sunshine to my life, the gem of my mind, the story of my future, the one to who would go through the thick and thin with me.

Melody dear, your hand fits into mine perfectly when I hold your hand; I love how you would smile, with those beautiful dimples.

Melody love, I know how you hate to see those crinkles by your eyes when you smile, but your eyes are just beautiful. I know how much you hated those skinny jeans do to your thighs and bottoms, I know how much you hate looking at yourself in the mirror, listening to yourself sing on recording, but I love you for who you are, the adorable, funny, beautiful you.

Melody, beautiful Melody, I know how you needed a drink of warm milk every night before you sleep, I love listening to you sleep-talking, I swear to God to never to say to anyone about the conversations you have at night, even though it made no sense to me. I love how I would trace my fingers on the freckles on your cheeks; you looked like an angel asleep.

I know how you would never love yourself half as much as I love you. But I want you to. I want you to treat yourself right, I want you to love yourself as much as I do.

I want to tell you that I will always be with you whenever you need me. I know that I don’t say all this many times in the past or even the future, but I will try. Because, Melody dear, I love you…”

I remember crying when I heard his wedding speech. I hear a lot of clapping from everybody around me. I saw him walking towards me and he hugged me. I know how much he loved me then and even now.

I would still relive the memory of the speech he gave that night, remembering those exact words, while smelling the beautiful flowers he gets me every day, at 55 years old. I heard the back door opened and someone behind my chair. “Hello Melody darling…” And he kissed me on the cheek.

My birthday ring and promised ring

Surpise birthdays. Sigh. How I noticed I have friends who never do this anymore. The only person who first surprised me was my first boyfriend. My birthday was during the weekday, so he decided to bring me out to surprised me with a gift. I actually was wondering whether had he forgotten about any gift for me like how I had forgotten about his birthday a year before.

We were walking past a shop when he pulled me in. He brought me to the side where they were selling rings.'Bunny head, I wanted to buy this for you, but I didn't know do you like it first, so I booked for the ring and bring you here to see.'

It was a pretty stainless steel ring with hearts on the band. 'Anything you get me is fine by me.' I was never a fussy person.

He found a proper size for me and slipped it on my middle finger. 'I will find another ring in another year as a promised ring'. He did. I kept both rings with me. Sometimes I do wear it as keepsake to remember the 4 remarkable years I had with him.

I am selfish

Ever notice that you would always blame on your ex on your failed relationship? Have you ever wonder that maybe, the reason of the break up is because of you? Well, I have, just a few seconds ago.

I was thinking to myself, why did everything between us failed when we were actually having a great love. It was me. I was scared of letting you go at the end, so I decided to end it earlier to kill off all emotions that we might have later on.

I was well at first and I knew you were a wreck after I told you to forget about me. I was telling myself, 'I can live through this, I know I can.' But little did I know how I wrong I was.

After the first few weeks, I find myself looking back at those sweet past messages you would sent me. And I remember telling myself, 'Shit. I still love him.' But I still continued to ignore you.

Many times you gave me chances to rekindle back the love, but I declined. Until you lost all feelings for me.

Only now I know this will be another roller coaster. Because I did the exact same mistake in my first relationship with my first boyfriend. Now I have both of them in comparison and I can see clearly why both of them ended. It us all because of me.

I was scared of continuing to have stronger feelings for the both of them when they leave for the overseas. I could see so clearly that God gave me a second chance to face my problems again with my second relationship, but I blew it.

Now, its too late. For both of them. One is mourning for the loss of a close family that even I knew and had a warm feelings towards to. No doubt this one had never been together with another girl, but from what I heard from his sister, I knew he was interested with a junior in his college. The other has fallen for another girl near his place. Even he claims to say he still have feelings for me, I knew they were slowly fading off as I see no effort of trying to continue it.

I feel as if I am a horrible person, letting off both great guys because I was afraid of getting hurt. But I am still hurt, by my own doings.

I even could forget the crush I was having the first few months in college because I thought my ex is still waiting for me.

I guess I am selfish. So, its time for me to face my punishment in isolation.

April

Slowly waddling into the quiet meadow, clutching my cardigan, holding the hem of my dress, walking carefully. I breathe in the fresh air. I felt a kick in my belly. Relax little baby...I know you are hungry... I took a bright red apple from my bag and had a bite. I found a bench and sat there. Enjoying the sight of the little ducklings swimming in the pond with their mother. I remembered being really ecstatic and overjoyed when I was told by my doctor that I was pregnant. So was Samuel.

Samuel and I was married for 2 and a half years. Our marriage was not accepted by me parents because Samuel is a soldier serving the nation. But there wasn't a need to go back to the war field at that moment. They still didn't want their only daughter to go running off with a man who doesn't have a decent job. So, I left them and went to marry Samuel.

I knew Samuel for 5 years before we were married. During the time when Samuel was off the war field, he worked as a clerk. I knew that he was the one to live for the rest of my life with. I knew I was the happiest woman on Earth when I said 'I do' in front of God, family and friend.

Being married to Samuel for the 2 and a half years was the best I have ever had. I love him, and I could feel that he loves me too. He taught me a lot. He taught me how to make the best lasagna, he taught me how to play basketball, he taught me

I remember one morning waking up running straight to bathroom. I was retching into the toilet bowl. Samuel was so worried about me. "Kelly, are you okay?! Do you need to see a doctor?" Before I could answer, I blacked out.

The next thing I saw was Samuel's face. "Hey Sam..." He ran straight to me side. "Oh my goodness Kelly...You gave me a fright there just now." I noticed then that I was in an unfamiliar room. "Samuel...where are we?" I was looking around the room. Before Samuel could answer anything, Doctor Fredric came in. "You are in the hospital..." I was worried. Is something wrong with me? Am I sick? "Don't look so worried, Mrs. Nelson... Well, since both you and you husband are here, I would like to tell you the good news." He continued, "Congratulations Mister and Missus Nelson, you both are expecting a healthy child next April..." I was overjoyed when I heard the news, so was Samuel. "Kelly! Oh my goodness! I can't believe it! You are pregnant!" At that moment, I, too, was not believing.

The first trimester of my pregnancy was a very adventurous ride. Morning sickness was a mad thing. Waking up every morning, retching in the toilet. Even Samuel was worried for me. .Then, I had the cravings, especially for red apples. I remember waking up one night asking Samuel, "Sam? I am hungry..." I saw him rubbing his eyes and yawning. "What do you want?" he whispered. "I want some red apples..." I remember him being wide eyed.

After the first couple of months, my belly started to show its baby bump. We decided to find out the gender of our child. We went to the doctor to get an ultrasound. During the ultrasound, I could see the face of the doctor. "You will have a daughter!" Samuel was happy! He kept on saying, "We are going to have a little girl! A little princess!" I was so happy till I was actually crying tears of joy!

But joy was soon to be cut short. Samuel was called back to the army. The last few weeks before he gets deployed was sad. I remember him building a small chair for our daughter. It was painted white with little pink flowers. It was beautiful for our little girl.

The day he gets deployed to the war zone was the saddest. Donned in his army uniform and carrying his bag in front of the flight area. I was crying my eyes out, I didn't want Samuel to leave. Samuel smiled sadly and said, "Kelly, don't cry...I will be back soon. You and our daughter must wait for me, alright?" He kissed me and kissed my swollen belly of 5 and a half months. I waved sadly at him, never knowing that was the last I saw him, alive.

It was only after 2 months when I had gotten the dreaded call. "Missus Nelson? I am sorry to inform you that your husband, Mr. Samuel Nelson had died in combat..." In an instant, I screamed in dismay. Tears fell.

In less than a week, Samuel's body was sent back home to be buried. When I saw his cold body sleeping in the coffin, I couldn't take it any longer. I broke down and cried.

I was given whatever Samuel had when he was shot during combat. It was his wallet and a letter. I opened the envelope. As I read, I cried.

All that was in the past. I am due to give birth any time now. But I still wanted to see the ducklings. I opened the letter again and read it, even thought I had read it so many times that I could recite it by heart, but I still wanted to read it again.

"Dear Kelly,

Hey there, my beautiful wife. I know this is really unexpected, but I had the sudden urge to write to you. I know you must have a hard time moving around now since out little girl is getting bigger day by day.

Every night I always wonder what would our little princess would look like. Would she have your twinkling eyes? My dimples? Your smile maybe? All I know is, she will be the most beautiful child.

I had been thinking of names for our little girl. My bunk mates thought of Isabella, Catherine, Helena, Samantha and many more. But I thought of a much more simple and beautiful name, April. April is the month she will be born. Simple and full of meaning.

I am waiting for the both of you, my two precious jewels. Remember, I am always there.

Loved,
You beloved husband and father,
Samuel Jaccob Nelson"

I wiped the tears off my cheeks. I stood up and walked towards the pond. A breeze came, I felt invisible hands hugging me from behind. I knew it was Samuel, especially when little April kicked me again.

Hey little April, feel those hands hugging you? Its daddy. He came to see you.

This is the photo that inspired this story. Found it from facebook.

Priority and Options

I had a boyfriend previously, he was sweet, loving, caring too. He made me feel special and unique, unlike the way how I see myself before I met him. He made me feel happy, every second. But something happened between the two of us and we broke off after a year. Those twelve months was the best, but what followed after was hell.

I tried to forget him after that, I tried, but he decided to still keep in contact with me, I agreed too. We could talk for hours and hours and even text too. I know deep down I still love him and all but I knew deep down I had to stop this nonsense and move on.

I felt as thought as we could work this all out, all the problems we faced that led us to the break up point, because I feel that we both still love each other. I remember telling him, "Hey, I know I shouldn't be telling you this, but I still love you..." I was waiting for a positive reply of agreement or at least a mild rejections but I got non. "I don't know. I am still very confused..." So I gave him time.

Five months passed and we still go through our daily messages. I asked again, and the same reply was given, "I am confused..." I tried to reason with him, tell him that I know I felt that he has feelings for me. "Well, I know that. But the reason the both of us we are in this situation is because of you, you led me into the break up..."

Those words stung me deep, even till now. I tried to forget him, but I still couldn't. I tried to move on, but I still couldn't. I want to the answer rather than being led on to nowhere. But I still waited.

We tried to be as normal as we could, but I knew very well. It is either we get together and forget whatever that happened before, or we lose each other, even as friends, and back to strangers again.

I started to feel annoyed, but maybe it is not right to feel so. Since I wasn't his girlfriend anymore, but still, telling me your childhood crushes, your current crushes and your problems with your feelings to me? It is as bad as me beginning of our relationship talking about my ex. I was just trying to get used to your presence as my boyfriend then, was it a mistake to do so? Maybe. I am sorry if it was.

It was only until at one time he texted me, "The reason why I couldn't move on, is because of you..."

That was the end, I totally went hysteria. I was literally heartbroken, all the blames you put on me, I had enough. I know you wouldn't remember all the blames you said, even this, but I remember them as clear as the morning dew.

But I feel very foolish, to think that we would ever get back. But I am foolish, because I am waiting for you like a fool. I feel led on, betrayed, after I see that you loved someone else without settling our problems. I feel he doesn't deserve my wait anymore for his uncertainties.

Maybe I loved you far too much to be willing enough to wait for your decision. But like a wise person who said, "Don't make someone a priority, when they make you an option."

I swear to God I will never wait for you to toy my feelings and push me around and let you hurt me. I was foolish before, but never now, when it comes to you.

Dear Future Self

I was cleaning my stack of boxes and papers in my storage room when I found an envelope. It was addressed to 'My Future Self'. I remembered when I was 15, I had written a letter to the older me to ask for 'advice'. Yeah, I know. I was very naïve. I couldn't remember the details of the letter, so I decided to opened it.

"Dear older self,

I really don't know what to do...I am frustrated. I am slowly failing my studies. I am losing my boyfriend. My parents are not listening to me. I feel as if I have nothing in this world. I don't think I will ever find a better boyfriend than Mike. I feel as if mum and dad are not supporting my decision in my future dream career. I feel as if my life is so useless and boring... Please tell me if my life will turn for the best in the future...please.

From,
The 15 year old me."

I actually laughed at the letter. Then I had a thought, 'What if I reply to this letter?'

So, I took out my pen and a piece of paper and started writing...

"Dear my 15 year old self,

I know you were frustrated, you are not sure what to do. I understand everything. You were just in your teens. You were rebellious. Mum and Dad are just trying to help you stay at the right path. I mean, c'mon, being a stripper at a club isn't the best choice of career, is it? Your life wasn't boring and useless, you are just waiting for something more interesting to focus at.

And Mike, well, he is an ass, you just haven't opened your eyes yet. I know you love him all, but you have no idea how is he really like. He is just using you as a rebound. I can assure you that you will find a good guy. Yes, I can say now that you will get you heart crushed for a few more times, but after that, you will find a great guy. You will get married with a guy you truly love and have a spectacular job and career.

I think I will give you a little hint about him.

Your Mr. Right will hold you tight when the thunder strikes because he know that you are terrified of the thunderstorm. He will help you massage you ankle when you sprained it. He will hold you tightly while the both of you dance. He would hug you when you cry. He would kiss you whenever you want. And he would take the trouble to do a handmade ring and proposed to you during you birthday party by the seaside, something you had hoped since you were a child. Yeap, he is the one.

So don't worry about all this and just live life to the fullest, everything would fall in its place, just be patient and let God take the wheel.

Love,
The 25 years old 'future' me."

I smiled and placed the letter together with the earlier letter. Suddenly, I felt someone looking over my shoulder, with a hand on my waist.

"Ready to go, my beautiful bride to be?" Jordan said. I smiled and said, "Of course my handsome groom to be." I kissed him on the lips as I kept the papers back into the box.

'No worries, my younger self, you are in good hands...'

Dandelions

I knew Will from college. He is the sweetest guy I have ever known. We both had mutual interests and same hobbies that had us get along right from the start.

Soon, we fell for each other and found out about the feelings. And then we got together. I remember going to the countryside to look at the beautiful nature there. We could spend the whole day lying down there, talking. That was the kind of dates we would go to.

Will was a shy boy and I knew that too. I was the more talkative one. I remember one day when I was telling him about something uninteresting I saw him taking out something shiny, it was a ring hanging from a metal chain. From his shy demeanour, I knew he had a hard time trying to give that necklace to me. But I waited for the day he would.

I remember also that he told me he wanted to intern at a construction side near his uncle's place. "Do you really have to go?" I whined. He laughed and tap his finger cheekily on my nose, "I will just be there for the summer, and its very near too. Just a half an hour taxi ride..."

He must have noticed my pouting face when he plucked a dandelion and showed it to me. "When you miss me, just think of a dandelion. Blow it and you will see many tiny dandelions floating around you. Just imagined me as the tiny dandelions floating around you. You will never feel lonely." He cheekily blew the dandelions in front of my face. I squealed and chased after him. But I never thought that that would be the last time I ever had fun with him.

One rainy day, I have gotten a call from Will's sister, "Janice, Will is in trouble...you better come to the hospital, quick..." Her voice had the tinge of worriedness that made my heart squeeze in a bad way. I got my car keys and wallet, and drove as far as I could.

I ran towards the ICU when I reached. I must have looked like a hysteria with the stormy wind that caught my hair. I found Michelle, Will's sister at the waiting room. "Janice, what am I to do? I'm scared..." She was sobbing waterfalls, I tried to asked her what happened. Slowly, she told me everything.
Will had a terrible accident at the site. He had saved another man's life by letting the steel bars fall on Will while he was covering him. He suffered a very bad head injury and was bleeding profusely.
I fely scared all of the sudden, afraid of losing him, scared of what lies in the near future of matter of minutes. I hoped and prayed he would be alright. But my prayers weren't answered.

The surgeon came out, telling the both of us Will's life is slowly slipping away. We both ran into his ward. I crashed at the side of his bed, crying my eyes out.

"Will! Don't leave me!" I cried. Michelle couldn't even speak a word.

I saw him giving me a weak smile. He whispered softly, "Janice, I am sorry. I want to stay with you forever but I know my time is soon be up. Soon I will not be breathing anymore. I am sorry..."
I cried and sobbed, "Will, please...don't go... I do anything, anything! Just don't leave me!"

My vision was blurred by my tears, my voice weak and hoarse. I saw Will holding something in his hand. It was the necklace.

The last words he spoke was, "I'm sorry, Janice. I love you..." And he breathe his last.
Michelle and I were a wrecked for months. We were grief stricken by Will's death.

I wore the necklace he gave me and had never taken it off. I miss Will dearly and cried constantly whenever I thought of him. But I would always go to the meadows at the countryside where it is filled with pretty dandelions. I know Will is still with me, wherever he is.