Being in love is a good thing, yes, but at times, you do have to keep your feet firm on the ground. If not, you may lose your footing and slip off. God forbids. But then again, love is a nice and good feeling yet, one broken, it is hard to make amends. To forget someone special, you need to find someone special. Some may choose to find another boyfriend-slash-girlfriend to be that special someone again. But, why not give God a chance. Remember,
he said he will never leave you nor forsake you.
Love is sweet,
Love is innocent,
Love is blind,
Yet, don't be blinded by it too much,
Especially not from God,
As he is the greatest love of all.
Just remember,
God loves you,
Forwho you are.
Mabel. J. Soong
*dont kill me if it suck, very impromotu-onthespot writings. :-)
Monday, August 29, 2011
Saturday, July 9, 2011
The Language of Love
The Language of Love
Do you believe there is a language called love? Well, I never knew there was one, until I experienced it first hand, by myself.
I was still at campus when I found the most miraculous feeling ever. It was the time when I first met Ariel Cho. She was a beautiful American born Asian. She had a mixed parentage of Korean and Spanish. She has big, dark eyes. I on the other hand, was a pure Korean guy, but had been living in America for the whole of my life. Basically, we are both from the Asian culture. I remembered oh-so-clearly the day I first saw her.
I was walking around the campus compound, finding a decent place to study. I found a bench half occupied by another human being; a girl with her grey hoodie up, covering her flowing dark hair. She was doing her own work, busy writing her assignment, didn’t know I was standing next to her. I decided to ask her whether was the side of the bench was empty. “Hey, is this seat taken?” I asked. But there was no reply. So, I decided to tap on her shoulder. The girl turned to me. That was the first time I saw her eyes, those beautiful dark brown eyes. “I…erm, is this seat taken?” I stuttered, indicating the empty seat. Why am I so nervous out of the sudden? She gave the most beautiful smile I had ever seen and nodded. I smiled back at her and took a seat beside her, leaving a very huge gap in between the both of us.
She continued writing her notes. I wanted to continue my own work, but, my eyes kept wandering towards her. Her headphones popped into her ears. Soon, I did not bother doing my own work, and kept stealing glances from the corner of my eyes to look at her. But unfortunately, she did not notice it. So, I observed her while she studied. Soon, I noticed those little things about her that somehow attracted me. Like, how she would chew on the end of her pencil when she was frustrated. I wanted to strike a conversation with her, but I didn’t know how. Soon, I decided a way. “Hey, can I borrow a pen?” I asked. But again, she didn’t look up. So, I tapped on her shoulder, and asked again, showing through hand signs. She smiled and took out a pen for me. Before she could turn her gaze back to her book, I asked her another question, along with some easy hand signs. “What are you listening to?” pointing to her headphones. She pointed to her headphones, and put her index finger on her lips which I thought it indicates it’s a secret. I took out my general notebook and scribbled:
Is it a secret?
and showed it to her. She smiled and took the notebook out of my hands and scribbled something beneath my writing:
Yeap. It’s something very personal to me. =)
She returned me the book. I scribbled something else:
Oh, I see. By the way, I’m Paul Chang. What’s your name?
She took the notebook and scribbled her name:
My name’s Ariel, Ariel Cho
I stared at her writing, I stared at her name. Her name imprinted onto my mind, sticking like glue. ‘Ariel…’ I said in a very low and soft voice, very close to a whisper. I continued to scribble something on the notebook:
Can I have your phone number? I really want to meet you again. =)
She read whatever I had written and gave me a sad smile. She had written something in reply. She held up the notebook for me to read:
Sorry. I don’t have a phone let alone a phone number to give.
“Oh…” was all I had replied. After I had read it, Ariel started writing again. When she was done, she gave me back my notebook. I read what she had written:
But, we could meet back here again tomorrow. =)
I gave a laugh when I read that and turned my glance to her. She gave me a sweet smile in return. “Promise?” I asked. She gave a nod. Then, we both heard the bell rang. Quickly, we both grabbed our stuff and flee to the inner building of the campus.
The next day, I brought my sticky post-it stack to use instead of writing on my notebook. When I reached to the place we had promised to meet, Ariel was already there. I sat down beside her, this time; the gap between us was smaller. I waved at her. She gave a shy smile and continued to read her book. I took my pen and wrote on a piece of the post-it paper and stick it on her book:
Am I late?
She smiled and shook her head. I gave her the post-it stack and a pen. This was her reply:
Of course not, I’m just early. =)
For the whole time there, we had our conversation like this, through writing. Through this, I fell for her. I fell head over heels for her. I love her smile, her eyes, and especially that little twinkle in her eye. I noticed very minor things of her. She had this small freckle beneath her right eye, she would be wearing her iPod headphones all the time, and that she never spoken out loud before, well, maybe to me. But still, talking to her, but in this case, ‘writing’ to her makes me feel happy. Through the post-it papers and a pen, we talked about everything under the sun; music, studies, movies, teachers, fashion and all sort of other things. We continued like this for nearly 3 weeks already. We promised to meet back at the same place and same time. Every time we met, the gap between us when we sat became smaller and smaller until suddenly, no more.
After bringing my yellow post-it stack, she decided to bring hers too, only hers are purple. I remembered the time we wrote so many things and stick it on each of our notebooks. Soon, both of our notebooks were filled with yellow and purple post-its. Soon, we found another way to entertain ourselves. We wrote like so many post-its and stick those onto our shoulder, face, hands, shirts and so on so forth. We really had fun then. Sometimes, she would just lie on my shoulder while both of us write on the post-its and stick it anywhere we wanted. I really loved those times.
One day, I got curious again. I wanted to know what she was always listening to in her iPod. So, I wrote it on my post-it:
Hey, what are you listening on your iPod?
I took the paper and stick it onto her notebook. She pointed to her headphones and gave me a knowing look. I nodded in reply. I thought she was going to not let me hear it. But to my surprise, she took both her headphones off and gave it to me. I accepted her headphones and put both into my ears. I waited for a song to come up, but heard nothing. I took both of them out again and gave a quizzical look. “But, there’s nothing?” I said and I looked up at her. Again, she gave me this sad smile and showed me sign language which I did not understand. She took her post-it and written something on it. She took the paper and stuck it onto my palm. This was what it read:
I am deaf and dumb. I could not hear anything or speak anything since the day I was born. I’m sorry for not telling you this sooner. It’s not because of anything. It’s just that, I have no other friends. You are my first friend. In this short time, I had grown to love you.
I was stunned at first but then, I thought it does not matter whether she could talk or not. All it matters is that, I had grown to love her, and now, I knew that she does have feelings for me, too. I took my post-it and written something on top. I decided to push my luck more and kissed her cheek. I stuck the post-it paper onto her notebook. It read:
You’re still beautiful…
*Credits to a video from YouTube, Jubilee Project-The Language of Love*
© Mabel Soong
Do you believe there is a language called love? Well, I never knew there was one, until I experienced it first hand, by myself.
I was still at campus when I found the most miraculous feeling ever. It was the time when I first met Ariel Cho. She was a beautiful American born Asian. She had a mixed parentage of Korean and Spanish. She has big, dark eyes. I on the other hand, was a pure Korean guy, but had been living in America for the whole of my life. Basically, we are both from the Asian culture. I remembered oh-so-clearly the day I first saw her.
I was walking around the campus compound, finding a decent place to study. I found a bench half occupied by another human being; a girl with her grey hoodie up, covering her flowing dark hair. She was doing her own work, busy writing her assignment, didn’t know I was standing next to her. I decided to ask her whether was the side of the bench was empty. “Hey, is this seat taken?” I asked. But there was no reply. So, I decided to tap on her shoulder. The girl turned to me. That was the first time I saw her eyes, those beautiful dark brown eyes. “I…erm, is this seat taken?” I stuttered, indicating the empty seat. Why am I so nervous out of the sudden? She gave the most beautiful smile I had ever seen and nodded. I smiled back at her and took a seat beside her, leaving a very huge gap in between the both of us.
She continued writing her notes. I wanted to continue my own work, but, my eyes kept wandering towards her. Her headphones popped into her ears. Soon, I did not bother doing my own work, and kept stealing glances from the corner of my eyes to look at her. But unfortunately, she did not notice it. So, I observed her while she studied. Soon, I noticed those little things about her that somehow attracted me. Like, how she would chew on the end of her pencil when she was frustrated. I wanted to strike a conversation with her, but I didn’t know how. Soon, I decided a way. “Hey, can I borrow a pen?” I asked. But again, she didn’t look up. So, I tapped on her shoulder, and asked again, showing through hand signs. She smiled and took out a pen for me. Before she could turn her gaze back to her book, I asked her another question, along with some easy hand signs. “What are you listening to?” pointing to her headphones. She pointed to her headphones, and put her index finger on her lips which I thought it indicates it’s a secret. I took out my general notebook and scribbled:
Is it a secret?
and showed it to her. She smiled and took the notebook out of my hands and scribbled something beneath my writing:
Yeap. It’s something very personal to me. =)
She returned me the book. I scribbled something else:
Oh, I see. By the way, I’m Paul Chang. What’s your name?
She took the notebook and scribbled her name:
My name’s Ariel, Ariel Cho
I stared at her writing, I stared at her name. Her name imprinted onto my mind, sticking like glue. ‘Ariel…’ I said in a very low and soft voice, very close to a whisper. I continued to scribble something on the notebook:
Can I have your phone number? I really want to meet you again. =)
She read whatever I had written and gave me a sad smile. She had written something in reply. She held up the notebook for me to read:
Sorry. I don’t have a phone let alone a phone number to give.
“Oh…” was all I had replied. After I had read it, Ariel started writing again. When she was done, she gave me back my notebook. I read what she had written:
But, we could meet back here again tomorrow. =)
I gave a laugh when I read that and turned my glance to her. She gave me a sweet smile in return. “Promise?” I asked. She gave a nod. Then, we both heard the bell rang. Quickly, we both grabbed our stuff and flee to the inner building of the campus.
The next day, I brought my sticky post-it stack to use instead of writing on my notebook. When I reached to the place we had promised to meet, Ariel was already there. I sat down beside her, this time; the gap between us was smaller. I waved at her. She gave a shy smile and continued to read her book. I took my pen and wrote on a piece of the post-it paper and stick it on her book:
Am I late?
She smiled and shook her head. I gave her the post-it stack and a pen. This was her reply:
Of course not, I’m just early. =)
For the whole time there, we had our conversation like this, through writing. Through this, I fell for her. I fell head over heels for her. I love her smile, her eyes, and especially that little twinkle in her eye. I noticed very minor things of her. She had this small freckle beneath her right eye, she would be wearing her iPod headphones all the time, and that she never spoken out loud before, well, maybe to me. But still, talking to her, but in this case, ‘writing’ to her makes me feel happy. Through the post-it papers and a pen, we talked about everything under the sun; music, studies, movies, teachers, fashion and all sort of other things. We continued like this for nearly 3 weeks already. We promised to meet back at the same place and same time. Every time we met, the gap between us when we sat became smaller and smaller until suddenly, no more.
After bringing my yellow post-it stack, she decided to bring hers too, only hers are purple. I remembered the time we wrote so many things and stick it on each of our notebooks. Soon, both of our notebooks were filled with yellow and purple post-its. Soon, we found another way to entertain ourselves. We wrote like so many post-its and stick those onto our shoulder, face, hands, shirts and so on so forth. We really had fun then. Sometimes, she would just lie on my shoulder while both of us write on the post-its and stick it anywhere we wanted. I really loved those times.
One day, I got curious again. I wanted to know what she was always listening to in her iPod. So, I wrote it on my post-it:
Hey, what are you listening on your iPod?
I took the paper and stick it onto her notebook. She pointed to her headphones and gave me a knowing look. I nodded in reply. I thought she was going to not let me hear it. But to my surprise, she took both her headphones off and gave it to me. I accepted her headphones and put both into my ears. I waited for a song to come up, but heard nothing. I took both of them out again and gave a quizzical look. “But, there’s nothing?” I said and I looked up at her. Again, she gave me this sad smile and showed me sign language which I did not understand. She took her post-it and written something on it. She took the paper and stuck it onto my palm. This was what it read:
I am deaf and dumb. I could not hear anything or speak anything since the day I was born. I’m sorry for not telling you this sooner. It’s not because of anything. It’s just that, I have no other friends. You are my first friend. In this short time, I had grown to love you.
I was stunned at first but then, I thought it does not matter whether she could talk or not. All it matters is that, I had grown to love her, and now, I knew that she does have feelings for me, too. I took my post-it and written something on top. I decided to push my luck more and kissed her cheek. I stuck the post-it paper onto her notebook. It read:
You’re still beautiful…
*Credits to a video from YouTube, Jubilee Project-The Language of Love*
© Mabel Soong
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
30 days
This is something my idiotic friend had asked me to do for the time being...so, I'm gonna try and do it. Don't expect it to be published on a daily basis, I have a life you know...
“Here is the 30 day letter challenge for Tumblr, you are supposed to write a letter to several different people”
Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror”
“Here is the 30 day letter challenge for Tumblr, you are supposed to write a letter to several different people”
Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror”
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Of Cappuccino and Whiskey and Tears
A story which I plan to put it up for the school mag, enjoy~~~
Of Cappuccino and Whiskey and Tears
Raindrops splashing on the grey pavement as my hand stirred the hot cappuccino in the cup. The beautiful aroma of caffeine hit my nose. I let my mind wander off to my fantasy land where everything was perfect. As I stare into space at the wet scene outside the window, my thoughts kept drifting away. A small fraction of people were out there in the rain with raincoats and umbrellas in hand, rushing to wherever they are needed. The street looked deserted. Someone was calling me. My physical body was present, but not my soul. My soul was wandering elsewhere. At the sound of my name, I was struck back into reality, very far away from my perfect fantasy world.
“Serena…don’t you have anything to say?” I gave an audible sigh as I turned my glance to the person who had called me. “No.” I replied with a tone of annoyance. “Were you even listening to whatever I was saying just now?” Sam asked in a desperate tone. I rolled my eyes. “No…not like I need to, anyway…” Sam stared at me with disbelief. “What? Aren’t you concerned about it?” This annoyed me much more. “I don’t want you to refer to our relationship as ‘it’…as if you give a damn about it…I find it rather insulting” I replied. “But I do…I do care about it very much…” he replied in a desperate tone. I rolled my eyes once again and paid no attention to whatever he wanted to say.
“Serena... I really don’t wanna end it this way…can’t we have a talk about it?” he said. This time, it was my turn to look at him in disbelief, “You are the one who wanted to end this, not me. YOU are the want who want to talk about it. And clearly, I don’t want to talk about this. It’s over. So what is the need to talk about this?” I asked. Sam looked more desperate. “I just want to talk things through. I really do love you…before. But…when Michelle came back…I…I just don’t know what to do…” I went quiet, staring at the whirlpool I had made with my cappuccino. I drank a mouthful and sat the cup down. The bitter milky sensation soothed the pain in me. “Michelle always treats you like shit, why are you still after her?” I asked.
Now, there was a lady carrying so many bags of shopping on both arms while trying to carry her umbrella and holding onto her daughter who was trying to let go of her mother’s protective grip on her wrist. I felt like that little girl, just wanting to get out of someone’s grip. “I don’t know…I really don’t…” I heard him said. “Why is it that you still love that witch? She treats you like you are invisible and yet, you still want her? Why is it do you crave for mistreatment?” I continued. “She comes into town, and turns you inside out, screws everything you have in life and just dumps you. It’s that what you want?” I said. He gave me a sad nod in reply. “Ha, maybe, you should go back to your psychiatrist to change your medication...again.” Sam looked hurt after I said that comment but I didn’t care. “Why are you saying all this?” he asked. He looked very miserable. “I’m just treating you like how Michelle did…”
When I said that, he went all quiet. “You see, you don’t even deny about Michelle…” I pointed out. He let out a sigh, “I guess I have nothing to deny….” I was stunned by his last sentence. Even though I knew he had a thing for Michelle, but it still hurts when you hear the truth from his mouth. I felt a stinging sensation in my eyes. I willed myself not to cry in front of him. I took a deep breath. “Do you have anything else to say?” I asked, adding a tinge of annoyance in my tone for my benefit. “That’s it? Didn’t it, I mean, our relationship mean anything to you?” He asked. I started to stir my cappuccino again, making huge swirls in the middle of the cup. “It meant more to me than it is to you…” I was soon to have a migraine from all the ‘it’s. “That’s not true…” I looked straight into his eyes, his brown eyes that mirrored such distinct misery. “You are the one walking out on this…” “I can’t believe you are giving all up without a fight…” he said, with a tinge of doubt. “Why not? You are.” I stare at him, he felt a little uncomfortable. “But, it’s not that easy for me…”
I gave him a matter-of-fact glance, “Then, why are you even doing it?” He didn’t response, but just stared at me. I continued on, “Or is it that you are doing this, to make it even? Are you taking it out on me when Emily and Joanne left you? Or was it Joanne and Emily? Leaving me makes it fair, then?” That really hit Sam hard and I could see it. The corner of his right eye was twitching. Beads of sweat were forming on his forehead even though he was in an air-conditioned room. There was an awkward silence in between us. “You’re being spiteful…” he said after he found his voice. “I guess I do have something to say after all.”
Sam let out a long sigh. I felt like a piece of his soul went along with that breath when he sighed, as if he still had any soul left in him. “I really wanted us to stay as friends…” he said with sincerity in his voice. He wanted to touch my hand across the table but I retrieve it before I made any contact with him. With all the venomous sarcasms I had in me, I replied, “Don’t patronize me.” I glare at him with as much coldness I could muster. He let out another deep sigh and stood up. Sam gave me a look of wounded sadness. He tossed a few notes of cash on the table. Went and retrieve his coat on the coat rake and went out, walking down towards Berner’s Street.
I watched him walked until I could not see a glimpse of him left. I signaled to the waiter at the café. He walked over. He looked exceptionally young, maybe an undergraduate, with a pair of deep penetrating blue eyes. How many times had he witnessed couples fighting and eventually breaking up? Would he tell the truth if I had asked?
“I would like another cappuccino please.” I said as my finger lingered on the edge of the teacup which was now half full with the caffeine. “And a whiskey too…” I continued. “No problem.” He gave a sweet smile. I tried to smile back, but I couldn’t. A lump was formed in my throat which I tried to swallow it. I drained the remains of the cold caffeine in my cup. The cappuccino was enough to let me be in control of my unsteady emotions and the whiskey was enough to anesthetize the wound in my heart until I reach home.
The tears would soon to come. The feeling of being worthless and wanting to die would soon to follow. And soon, anger would come like clean air after a storm. And I would be alright again. It was just a matter of time.
Soon, my order came. I drained my whiskey in a gulp. The hot sensation lingered in my throat. I stirred the hot cappuccino. As I stirred, a tear fell into the whirlpool of my own creation.
Mabel Soong ©
Of Cappuccino and Whiskey and Tears
Raindrops splashing on the grey pavement as my hand stirred the hot cappuccino in the cup. The beautiful aroma of caffeine hit my nose. I let my mind wander off to my fantasy land where everything was perfect. As I stare into space at the wet scene outside the window, my thoughts kept drifting away. A small fraction of people were out there in the rain with raincoats and umbrellas in hand, rushing to wherever they are needed. The street looked deserted. Someone was calling me. My physical body was present, but not my soul. My soul was wandering elsewhere. At the sound of my name, I was struck back into reality, very far away from my perfect fantasy world.
“Serena…don’t you have anything to say?” I gave an audible sigh as I turned my glance to the person who had called me. “No.” I replied with a tone of annoyance. “Were you even listening to whatever I was saying just now?” Sam asked in a desperate tone. I rolled my eyes. “No…not like I need to, anyway…” Sam stared at me with disbelief. “What? Aren’t you concerned about it?” This annoyed me much more. “I don’t want you to refer to our relationship as ‘it’…as if you give a damn about it…I find it rather insulting” I replied. “But I do…I do care about it very much…” he replied in a desperate tone. I rolled my eyes once again and paid no attention to whatever he wanted to say.
“Serena... I really don’t wanna end it this way…can’t we have a talk about it?” he said. This time, it was my turn to look at him in disbelief, “You are the one who wanted to end this, not me. YOU are the want who want to talk about it. And clearly, I don’t want to talk about this. It’s over. So what is the need to talk about this?” I asked. Sam looked more desperate. “I just want to talk things through. I really do love you…before. But…when Michelle came back…I…I just don’t know what to do…” I went quiet, staring at the whirlpool I had made with my cappuccino. I drank a mouthful and sat the cup down. The bitter milky sensation soothed the pain in me. “Michelle always treats you like shit, why are you still after her?” I asked.
Now, there was a lady carrying so many bags of shopping on both arms while trying to carry her umbrella and holding onto her daughter who was trying to let go of her mother’s protective grip on her wrist. I felt like that little girl, just wanting to get out of someone’s grip. “I don’t know…I really don’t…” I heard him said. “Why is it that you still love that witch? She treats you like you are invisible and yet, you still want her? Why is it do you crave for mistreatment?” I continued. “She comes into town, and turns you inside out, screws everything you have in life and just dumps you. It’s that what you want?” I said. He gave me a sad nod in reply. “Ha, maybe, you should go back to your psychiatrist to change your medication...again.” Sam looked hurt after I said that comment but I didn’t care. “Why are you saying all this?” he asked. He looked very miserable. “I’m just treating you like how Michelle did…”
When I said that, he went all quiet. “You see, you don’t even deny about Michelle…” I pointed out. He let out a sigh, “I guess I have nothing to deny….” I was stunned by his last sentence. Even though I knew he had a thing for Michelle, but it still hurts when you hear the truth from his mouth. I felt a stinging sensation in my eyes. I willed myself not to cry in front of him. I took a deep breath. “Do you have anything else to say?” I asked, adding a tinge of annoyance in my tone for my benefit. “That’s it? Didn’t it, I mean, our relationship mean anything to you?” He asked. I started to stir my cappuccino again, making huge swirls in the middle of the cup. “It meant more to me than it is to you…” I was soon to have a migraine from all the ‘it’s. “That’s not true…” I looked straight into his eyes, his brown eyes that mirrored such distinct misery. “You are the one walking out on this…” “I can’t believe you are giving all up without a fight…” he said, with a tinge of doubt. “Why not? You are.” I stare at him, he felt a little uncomfortable. “But, it’s not that easy for me…”
I gave him a matter-of-fact glance, “Then, why are you even doing it?” He didn’t response, but just stared at me. I continued on, “Or is it that you are doing this, to make it even? Are you taking it out on me when Emily and Joanne left you? Or was it Joanne and Emily? Leaving me makes it fair, then?” That really hit Sam hard and I could see it. The corner of his right eye was twitching. Beads of sweat were forming on his forehead even though he was in an air-conditioned room. There was an awkward silence in between us. “You’re being spiteful…” he said after he found his voice. “I guess I do have something to say after all.”
Sam let out a long sigh. I felt like a piece of his soul went along with that breath when he sighed, as if he still had any soul left in him. “I really wanted us to stay as friends…” he said with sincerity in his voice. He wanted to touch my hand across the table but I retrieve it before I made any contact with him. With all the venomous sarcasms I had in me, I replied, “Don’t patronize me.” I glare at him with as much coldness I could muster. He let out another deep sigh and stood up. Sam gave me a look of wounded sadness. He tossed a few notes of cash on the table. Went and retrieve his coat on the coat rake and went out, walking down towards Berner’s Street.
I watched him walked until I could not see a glimpse of him left. I signaled to the waiter at the café. He walked over. He looked exceptionally young, maybe an undergraduate, with a pair of deep penetrating blue eyes. How many times had he witnessed couples fighting and eventually breaking up? Would he tell the truth if I had asked?
“I would like another cappuccino please.” I said as my finger lingered on the edge of the teacup which was now half full with the caffeine. “And a whiskey too…” I continued. “No problem.” He gave a sweet smile. I tried to smile back, but I couldn’t. A lump was formed in my throat which I tried to swallow it. I drained the remains of the cold caffeine in my cup. The cappuccino was enough to let me be in control of my unsteady emotions and the whiskey was enough to anesthetize the wound in my heart until I reach home.
The tears would soon to come. The feeling of being worthless and wanting to die would soon to follow. And soon, anger would come like clean air after a storm. And I would be alright again. It was just a matter of time.
Soon, my order came. I drained my whiskey in a gulp. The hot sensation lingered in my throat. I stirred the hot cappuccino. As I stirred, a tear fell into the whirlpool of my own creation.
Mabel Soong ©
Saturday, May 28, 2011
The Cross
A dream had been constantly coming up for the past few weeks...
I was in a doorless, windowless white room. I felt everything in me was failing, my senses, my consciousness, my sight, my hearing, everything. Suddenly, I saw a hand out-stretch in front of me. The hand had a hole punctured in the middle of the palm. Suddenly, a warmth feeling swept past me. 'I know that hand, I've seen it before...' I thought. I stretch my arm out and the hand held mine and suddenly, I was unconsious. The next moment when I was awake, I felt pain all over me. I felt 2 kinds of pain to be exact. A physical pain and emotional pain. I didn't know where was I... Soon, My senses came back slowly. Only then I figured out where was I. I was looking through the eyes of the Lord. I felt the excruciating pain from the nails and the thorns that was punctured into the Lord's flesh. It was a pain you couldn't have imagine... But, the mental pain was worst, thousand times worst. It was a suffocating pain. Yet, the Lord could manage the pain for so many hours... The mental pain was bad, many images flashed in front of my eyes, images of abortion, sexual pleasures, murder, death, abuse etc etc.... It was bad. For many nights I had been seeing this so often...but there was no reason behind it... I became physically weak as I didn't have enough sleep... Until one night, the sequence changed.
I was in a room, the same room I had always been. But this time, the Lord showed himself to me. Suddenly, my emotions got the better of me and I broke down. He walked towards me and comforted me. "I wanted you to tell the world how the My Father's love for all of you is felt when I AM on the cross." Somehow, the Lord knew that his vision was bothering me, but he also knew how to calm me down. Yes, this is what I had experience the last month. Whether or not is true to you, is all up to you. I had finished my promised to the Lord for telling everyone I could. Amen.
I was in a doorless, windowless white room. I felt everything in me was failing, my senses, my consciousness, my sight, my hearing, everything. Suddenly, I saw a hand out-stretch in front of me. The hand had a hole punctured in the middle of the palm. Suddenly, a warmth feeling swept past me. 'I know that hand, I've seen it before...' I thought. I stretch my arm out and the hand held mine and suddenly, I was unconsious. The next moment when I was awake, I felt pain all over me. I felt 2 kinds of pain to be exact. A physical pain and emotional pain. I didn't know where was I... Soon, My senses came back slowly. Only then I figured out where was I. I was looking through the eyes of the Lord. I felt the excruciating pain from the nails and the thorns that was punctured into the Lord's flesh. It was a pain you couldn't have imagine... But, the mental pain was worst, thousand times worst. It was a suffocating pain. Yet, the Lord could manage the pain for so many hours... The mental pain was bad, many images flashed in front of my eyes, images of abortion, sexual pleasures, murder, death, abuse etc etc.... It was bad. For many nights I had been seeing this so often...but there was no reason behind it... I became physically weak as I didn't have enough sleep... Until one night, the sequence changed.
I was in a room, the same room I had always been. But this time, the Lord showed himself to me. Suddenly, my emotions got the better of me and I broke down. He walked towards me and comforted me. "I wanted you to tell the world how the My Father's love for all of you is felt when I AM on the cross." Somehow, the Lord knew that his vision was bothering me, but he also knew how to calm me down. Yes, this is what I had experience the last month. Whether or not is true to you, is all up to you. I had finished my promised to the Lord for telling everyone I could. Amen.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Love
Love everyone even your enemies and God as much as how you love yourself, and everything will fall into place...
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