Help

I take my bottle of whiskey and took a stroll on the beach, at night. I sit by the wall, just my feet on the wet sand.

I see the stars on the dark sky. My emotions moving towards to sad rather than calm. I really just want to get drunk, and cry by the corner. I want someone to hold, and hug. But, I don't have that person no more. Sigh.

I want someone, anyone.

Truly, time never heals. Time only numbs.

Truly, I believe that line. How stupid of me that if I gave more time to myself, I would heal eventually. Right? Wrong.

I just noticed that my ex blocked me from certain photos so that it would not pop up in my news feed. But, as a very sentimental person, or maybe a stupid one, I do go back to his account and just catch up a bit on his life. But whenever I do so, I get so depressed and emotional I just switch it all away.

I just noticed my ex has a new girl, or maybe I am mistaken. But then, when was I ever mistaken for things that others can't see, but only I could.

I had been depressed for awhile. From school work, to verbal harassment, to past failed relationships, and just my life in general. I have even contemplated of killing myself. Or, just some random vehicle crash into me. Just something that I could die. I really do not want to spiral into that black hole again.

Verbal harassment in school is killing my mental health. I feel like crying every single day, and not due to study stress, but harassment stress.

What is wrong with me? Why do I want myself dead. Why?