It has already been about 5 days since, and emotional turmoil still looms. Not only because I did so poorly, that I can never forgive myself. But also, to see people who I know were either not very good or had a shorter term learning, did so much better than me. Sometimes I do wonder why would my voice fail on me on the most important time when I need it. I can't help but feel helpless about it.
But all in all disappointments, I am praying and hoping my voice recovers and returns to normal soon. I am afraid of becoming depressed in these few days or weeks of vocal rest, because I can't practice and give myself motivation to forget the disastrous performance. A part of me wants to continue vocal rest until I know my voice is back in shape, but the other part of me just wants to take any random score I have fallen in love with, and just sing.
Let it be a lesson and also a motivation, to do well in the competitions I am competing next year. And to be able to get top 4 in the finals, so I can just retire in competing locally, and pursue more overseas.
I honestly do not want to compare at all. Comparison to others is very very poisonous, now I noticed. The most I could do is to compare myself with my own past performance. I shouldn't be so hard on myself, that I, of all people should understand that a vocal injury needs time to heal, and that performing with it is not good and won't be good. But I can't believe I am that bad on stage.
God, I should really just find ways to make me heal not only my vocal injury, but also emotionally.
