Monday, December 30, 2013

My 2013

Well,
I can't say I had a crazy ass bad year,
And I can't say I had a good one idea.
It wasn't pleasant,
But it wasn't too bad either.

Early in the year,
I thought it was still there,
And I believed it did.
Got stringed on,
Played along.
Hurt and trampled on too.
I learned to move on,
It was hard,
It was painful.
But I moved on.

I had my share of opportunities.
I went to Hong Kong for a competition,
An international event.
Happy as I was.
Got sick though.
But I was happy.
Performed in their opening ceremony,
Witness the competition finale,
Walked about in the streets of Hong Kong,
A moment of getaway from my reality life.

I also performed in a full length choral production with F'Wonderful Singers AKA Sing-A-Holics,
Tiring that it is,
But a good experience.
Through the dance routines,
From learning my solo lines,
To not being able to sing the solo for the show,
I learnt from the past not to hold the grudge for a minute longer,
I was stripped from the chance because of favoritism,
Not the first time,
And not the last.

Competed in the Solo singing competition,
Didn't get into the finals,
But watched all the veterans and friends performed and compete.
The best show to watch!

Performed in the academy's teacher's pet,
Took my 4th and 6th graded exams,
Came out with merit for both!

My lows were that I failed jury,
And could not proceed to degree with my then semester batch.
Worked like mad in the next one,
Finally could forward to degree!

2014 won't be easy again.
May have more ups and lows too,
But I am pulling my gear up,
And march forward to the challenges ahead!

This is to those who belittle me,
To those who took me for granted,
To those who think I am a nobody,
I am coming back stronger than ever,
And no one could stop me.

Monday, December 23, 2013

Christmas Eve

To be honest, I have lost many friendships in the last 19 years. Some have grown away from me, some I have slowly left them unknowingly. Some I was best friends with, but because I have grown some feelings for them, they left me, thinking I might fall even deeper for them. I regretted all of those lost friendships. I miss everyone of them. The moments of laughing, smiling, arguing, and just plain chit chat. Sigh. I miss each and everyone of you.

Christmas eve moments always comes down to these thoughts.

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

That's Why

*I want to be in the other person's shoes for once, because I had faced rejections multiple times. This doesn't bother me much. What bothers me the most is that I have lost many good friendships because of me. So this is to the people who rejected me because my harmonal feelings and school girl fantasy or dream. I wished you had not left me like that.*

I met James through a summer camp and we hit off right away.

We had the same common interest of lying on the grass in the night sky look at stars with our eyes or a telescope.

We done that throughout the camp duration.

After the camp have ended, we kept in touch and go out for movies and dinner sometimes. Maybe quite a lot for my best friend to notice it.

"Jess! Are you sure there is nothing going on between the two of you? You guys had been spending time with each other nearly every other weekend!"

My reply? "I only treat him as a really good friend..."

Suddenly out of the blue, he confessed that he had fallen for me. I didn't give him an answer only, "I want you to be silent and just walk me home..."

Its not that I don't like him, I really do, maybe even more than friends. But, I have gotten hurt and rejected so many times to follow my heart.

And I have lost so many friendships because of this.

That's why.

Monday, December 2, 2013

I don't think I ever will.

Walking down the road, holding my coat tighter as the autumn breeze came and went. I saw a couple from afar, holding each other in arms while strolling into my direction.

The closer they've got, the more I noticed the guy. Its him. Jim.

Jim was my ex. I saw him with his arms around the girl. Smiling, giggling.

At one moment, he saw me. I could sense the slow recognition of me just by the movements of his eyes.

I could feel the sudden tension in my chest when he finally recognizes me.

I somehow suddenly remembered about one time when we both were still together. I wonder if he remembers this.

"I will love you forever..."

He gave a sad smile with his reply,

"But I am so afraid that you may one day stop..."
After all these years, I was the one who was afraid. I was afraid of losing him. I love him, I still do.

I always have.

I haven't stop.

I don't think I ever will.