Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Randoms

The weirdest dream a person could dream of is your wedding day. Yeap. Had that dream. Weird, but a good inspiration. Lol.

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Crying

Looking into the night sky,
Seeing how th rain falls,
Feeling the cold night breeze,
By the window sill,
All alone,
Just crying.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

The Last One

*I wrote this because today is my Birthday. Wanted to write something after I saw some videos. The content are fictional and based on some videos I had encountered last two days. Enjoy.*

“Ben, am I your best friend?” I asked. Benjamin was the kid I had met when I transferred to the new the neighborhood. Ben and I had been playing and hanging out since we were 10. No doubt Ben and I are the same age, but he treats me like a little sister. And most of the time, I see him as a big brother. He had been with me through thick and thin.

“Of course, Denise. How could I not?” He was stroking my hair. “Why ask Denise? Wanna back out at the very last moment?”  he teased. “No...of course not silly.” I gave a light, playful slap on his face. “Then?” he asked again. I gave a little thought before saying, “How did we became best friends?” I could feel that he was thinking about my question. “You mean, when we met?” he asked. I shook my head. “No, I mean really how we became best friends...” I said. “Well, I think it is due to time. How long we know someone, how much we know someone, and how much tolerance for someone...” he said.

“So, how much do you know about me?” I said playfully. “Well, I know you love to eat strawberries, which is something I really hate, and that you tried to get me to eat some.” he teased. “Hey...” I playfully punched him in the arm. “Okay, okay! Let me continue. You would always twirl a strand of your hair with your finger when you are nervous. You would chew on your lower lip when you are deep in thought, you would...” Before he could continue, I hushed him. “Okay, I know you know a lot of me. Now let me tell you what I know about you. Well, you would shake our feet when you sit down which drives me insane sometimes!” I said. “But hey, you do the same too now!” he said cheekily. “That’s all because of you!” I pretend to fend off the blame.

A moment of silence suddenly took place. “Ben, how many were there before me?” I asked. He turned to look at me. “What do you mean?” he asked. “I mean, how many you had loved before me? Who were they?” I asked. I knew it was a sensitive question to ask at that time. “Well there were 3 of them. Their names are ‘Will’, ‘Determination’ and ‘Resolution’.” He said. I cocked my head to a side. “Can you tell me about them?”

“Well, ‘Will’ is a strong girl. I met her during my high school years. Like her name, ‘Will’ is feisty girl with a solid personality. We were both young and dared to do anything what young couples do. We shared our first kiss together, sneaked out of our homes late at the wee hours of morning. Party till the late nights, held each other for hours without giving a care. We desired to be together as much as possible, we couldn’t leave each other. But, after graduation, our relationship turned sour. But I know that both of us will reminiscence all the memories we had together. Why? Because we were young and wild, and it was our first love.” He explained about his first love, and from the expression on his face, I knew he was remembering the times he had with the girl.

“What about ‘Determination’? What was she like?” I asked, prompting him to continue. ‘Determination’ is a really...beautiful girl. Full spirited, full of courage. She is beautiful on the inside as well as on the outside. I met her when I moved into the college hostel during my freshmen year. When I first saw her, I knew that she was the ‘one’, then.  But, she was the girl every guy wanted to date. Of all the guys in my semester, she chose to be with me. We got along for about a year and a half, but we both decided to see other people and eventually, we end it. We are still on good terms, though. An occasional call or text of such.

“Then, what about the last one? ‘Resolution’?” I asked. “Her? Hmm... ‘Resolution’ is a quiet girl. She was my kindergarten friend whom was having leukemia. She was a sweet girl, but kept crying a lot. I remember asking her why. This was what she had said: “I know I am going to die anytime soon. This leukemia is never going away... I know I should be grateful that I have great friends and a good family. But, all I ever wanted was to feel what it like was to be in love. What was it like to be held, kissed, hugged, everything.” It was her wish that made fell in love with her. Even though it was only 7 months before she passed on, but I knew she left with no regrets...”

I could see the glassy look in his eyes when he had stopped talking. I decided to give him some time. Not long after that, he started talking again. “When she left, it hit me hard that anybody would leave at any second. And that we should cherish the person we love the most...” I looked at him, and touched his face. “Then, what do you think I am?” I asked cheekily, trying to lighten up the mood. He hugged me tight, and whispered, “You are everything to me. That’s why you are my best friend, and companion for life.” He kissed me on the cheek when I saw Daniel, Ben’s brother at the door. “Hey guys, the reception is starting soon. You guys better come out now.”

Ben stood up first, tuck in his formal shirt into his slacks. He held me up. I straightened my white dress. I saw the wedding card at the side of the couch. I took it and gave a peck and left it back as where it was.

The card read: “You are cordially invited to Benjamin Coren and Denise Owen’s wedding.”

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Dream


The first few months was rough after we’d split. I don’t know how did you feel about me then when you said you’d enough of our relationship. I knew how I felt though, I was crushed. I was really sad, crying every single night, hugging my pillow, and willed myself to sleep. It was like a ritual that would happen every single night for 3 months, even right up till I left home, my country to study overseas. In university, I buried myself in studies and homesickness, just trying to forget him, to erase all memories I had for him. I thought I was able to forget all of it, leave all that behind, until one night during my sleep.

It was nearly a year when I had this dream. I dreamt that I was back in my own country, drinking a warm cup of cappuccino in my favourite café. I was all alone. Like in most dreams, I didn’t know why I was there. The dream just started like that, without warning. The café was packed, full of people. I hear people laughing happily, smiling from ear to ear. Some were with their friends, while others were we their loved ones. I scanned through the crowd, hoping not to find someone I knew. But alas, I saw him, across the café. He was slowly sipping his drink, a hot latte I would have guessed, since it was his favourite drink. I wanted to stand up and walk over to him. But then I saw he wasn’t alone; he was with a girl, someone I never knew. I could see that they were chatting happily and very into the topic, whatever it is.

When I saw him, I didn’t notice how hard my hand was gripping onto my mug. I could feel all those memories with him flooded back with a gush. That familiar ache in my heart came back, the throbbing pain in my temples. I wanted to go to the loo, to keep my emotions at bay. I was at the sink, splashing water onto my neck and face. I breathe deeply, in and out, in and out. Soon, my emotions became steadier. When I know I would be okay, I wiped my face and walked out from the door. I closed the door behind me. I bumped into someone on the way back to my table. “Sorry...” I muttered. But instead of saying, “Nevermind.” I heard, “Dani?” Only one person calls me that. Calvin. I looked up and saw that same pair of warm chocolate brown eyes, looking into mine.  But I broke out gaze in an instance, went to pay the bill and left. I walked down the windy sidewalk when I heard him calling my name. My mind told me not to turn back to face him, but somehow, I did.
“Hey...” he said. I saw his tan skin, his ruffled brown hair, and his dark hazel eyes looking back at me. I felt my whole body became frozen, rigid, and stiff. I didn’t know what to say, to do. All I did, was to avoid his gaze. “How are you?” he asked, trying to get me to talk. “Danielle...” he pleaded, putting his hand on my shoulder. I shrugged it off. In the end, I spoke, “What do you want Calvin?” I said in this cold tone. “Dani...I just want to talk to you...please look at me...” he said.

All it took was just one look, all the memories came flooded back. I felt the tears fall when each memory came and went. I could hear the sudden urgency in Calvin’s voice. “Dani...are you okay?” He arms wanted to hug me, but I pushed him away. “Don’t touch me.” I snapped back through the sobs. I could see the sadness in his eyes. “Dani, I know I have hurt you very badly. But for the whole time we were apart, I miss you, I miss us...I miss our relationship.” he finally said. After all the minor drama that happened, we started talking about the old times, all the happy memories we had in the past. “It’s good to have you back, Dani...” he said. I just nodded, smiling. He hugged me and said, “I have to go, my friend is still waiting back in the café, will call you?” He smiled his best smile to me. I can’t help but to smile back. “Okay” was my only answer, the next thing that happened was unexpected, he kissed me, on the lips. I could feel his warm breathe, his strong arms around me.

Suddenly, I heard this loud ringing, very siren like. I opened my eyes and I found myself hugging a pillow. The ringing continued. It took me awhile to understand the situation, I was dreaming, me meeting Calvin, he kissing me, crying, everything. It was just a dream. I slammed my hand on the alarm, and all of the sudden, the whole room went quiet except for the sniffs I was making. It was just only 8 am. I decided to go back the dream, and relive it again, willing myself to continue the dream, since that was the only thing left I have about him. 


*
I still love you.