Friday, December 30, 2011

The One That Got Away

I'm a 70 years old woman. I was arguing with my husband over petty things until I got so fed up and left for the kitchen. "I love you..." he called out to me, but I didn't bother to reply. I made a cup of coffee then suddenly, my mind wandered off to my younger days, to which I smile at...

I remembered having my first boyfriend during high school. He was like my Johnny Cash while I am his June. I remember kissing for the first time in his Mustang. I loved him very much then. I remember we would go to his attic and sketch pictures of each other but his was better than mine. I remember he would do anything I wanted to do, even making a tattoo for me. I remember us stealing some liqour in my Dad's cupboard and snucked up to the roof to drink. We would talk of our ambitions, the future and about us like getting married and to live happily ever after till we are old. But I never thought that we won't be together long.

On my 18 birthday, we went to a dance at the local hall. We danced all night long. I went over to his place for the night once the dance was over. "Hey Cathy, do you want me to do your tattoo for you?" he asked. I giggled, "Okay, let's do it..." Let me tell you, it hurts so bad when he did the tattoo. He would kiss me every-now-and-then. His kisses somehow soothes the pain. By the next morning, we both had matching tattoos on our arms.

Now my hands and arms are wrinkled, but I could still see the faded tattoo on my left wrist. I suddenly felt sad. I went up to the bedroom and locked myself in there. The memories of him suddenly came back...

Our relationship together are not all the time good. There are bittersweet moments too. After nearing our second year together, our relationship suddenly became sour. He would get pissed off easily and I would be mad of him for a long time. There was once I really made him pissed and that cost his life.

We were fighting quite badly and splashed one of his paintings with red ink. He got even more mad and left the place in the middle of the storm. I decided to just sleep and cool off.

The next morning, he didn't came back. I waited till noon and went over to his parents' home to find him. When I got there, his Mum answered the door. His Mum was crying. I gave her a hug and asked her what was wrong. "Dave... He died..." I couldn't believe what I have just heard. "That can't be..." I whispered. His mum told me bit by bit through all the tears. Dave was driving in the middle of the night. Dave was driving in the rain. Dave was trying to drive past the boulder in the middle of the road. Dave's car skidded and flew down from the cliff. Dave's car caught fire. Dave died.

I couldn't believe what she had said. Deep down, I know his death was my fault, all my fault. I went back home and cried for months, in guilt.

Now, thinking back of Dave, I couldn't help but cry. I love him and still do even though I am married now. I took my car keys and drove to the cliffside. There, I couldn't help but just cry. Whenever I closed my eyes, I could feel Dave hugging me. 'Dave, I miss you...and I'm sorry...'

*This was inspired by Katy Perry's "The One That Got Away"

Sunday, December 25, 2011

short

Once I heard someone told me that love is like a warm blanket that keeps you warm on a cold day. Without it, you might freeze from other people. I truly somehow believe that

Knots and Flutter under the Misletoe

I remember asking my Mama when or how did she knew that Daddy was the one for her. She said, "When he kissed me for the first time, I felt the flutter in me. The flutter sealed our faith, it was just meant to be. Myth says that when two people kiss for the first time and when they feel the flutter, you will know that she or he is the right one. But, when you feel the knots in yourself, then, the two of them are not meant to be. Understand, Wen?" She ruffled my hair and smiled at me. I was only eight at that time.

All through my childhood, I believed in that. But once I hit adolescence and had my first boyfriend, somehow, that belief had suddenly diminished. Every time I kissed any of my ex-boyfriends, I was hoping to find that small flutter my Mama was talking about, but, I couldn't feel it. I just felt the knots. I thought it was just a piece of crap that parents told their kids. Until one night...

It was Christmas eve and my best friend, Darren had invited me to a masquerade party at his friend's place. I didn't have anything to wear as it was a last minute invite, so, I just wore a simple white dress and just grab my sister's halloween mask to wear. I went to the party alone and was in amidst of strangers. So, I just sat at the mini bar and drank some booze there. I think it was a little after eleven when I started wandering around, trying to find the door to the exist as I wanted to leave. I finally found the door and left for the lift. As I was waiting for the lift to arrive, a guy wearing a decent mask in black and a red scarf waited beside me too. He smiled and nodded in my direction. I did the same too. We both went into the lift together. It was rather awkward as there was this silence but it was that kind of awkward silence that is not all that awkward to myself. Suddenly all went dark and the lift suddenly not functioning. I was so afraid, I couldn't see anything.

Suddenly, I felt someone's arm around my waist and someone's lips on mine. I know the first instinct I should do is to push the person away but, I felt a little flutter in my stomach. It was the flutter my Mama was talking about! All of a sudden, the lights were functioning again. I was still kissing the person. I was staring into a pair of brown eyes. After a few minutes of lip lock, the guy removed my mask. And then, he removed his. I was surprised to see it was Darren! "Wendy, I really want to tell you for many years that...I love you..." He had that hopeful twinkle in his eye. I didn't know what to say, the first question that popped up was,"Why did you kissed me?" He had that shy grin and pointed up the lift ceiling. I turned towards where he was pointing and saw a misletoe. I didn't know why but I suddenly got angry. Once the doors of the lift opened, I stormed out to the streets covered with snow. I pulled my coat tighter and walked down the street. I felt someone caught my arm and pulled me towards the person. It was Darren. He pulled me near him and kissed me and suddenly, all that doubt about him vanished. That flutter was there. And suddenly, the whole atmasphere was full of fireworks. It was just perfect. Over the loud sounds, I told Darren, "Darren! I love you too!"

Friday, December 16, 2011

Merry Christmas

Christmas is not about gifts or presents. Christmas is about being with your love ones. Christmas is not about St. Nicholas in a big red suit giving out presents to kids on the 'nice' list. Christmas is about the birth of our saviour who would redeem the world. He was given by God for us to have eternal life. He is Jesus. Jesus is the main reason why people celebrate Christmas. Many people had mistaken about the true meaning of Christmas, but I haven't. What about you? Feliz Navidad everyone. Amen. :-)

Friday, December 9, 2011

SPM 2011 long essay: "...They looked at each other and smiled meaningfully."

I wrote this for the long essay during my public exams, SPM. I hope it is alright. :)
"...They looked at each other and smiled meaningfully."

*Please do let me know through my comment box or cbox that you had used this as a reference. Do not plagiarize. Thank you*

I remember the time when Mum and Dad was still happy together. My family was fine. My parents sometimes do fight, but recently, the fights became all too often. I remember the day when I saw Mum crying...

It was a Saturday morning when it all happen. I was sleeping in. On Saturdays, I would sleep til 10, wakes up by then, take a big bowl and filled in with my favourite cereal, Honey Stars and catch my favourite cartoons on TV. I remember one particular Saturday morning, I was still sleeping soundly. I remember waking up to the sun rays shining through the blinds of the curtains. The sun shone onto my eyes. I rubbed my eyes and stretched. I gave a big yawn. Suddenly, I heard Mum and Dad arguing on the first landing. They were shouting very loudly. Suddenly, a loud bang was heard. I tiptoed towards my bedroom door. I was lucky that my bedroom door left a small gap for me to peek through. I peeked through and was shocked to see Mum crying on the floor. I was very scared by the sight of Mum crying. Since that day, the fights increased. And that was not the last time I saw Mum crying. I hoped Mum and Dad will apologize and be good to each other again.

Many times I saw or heard Mum and Dad arguing. Always it ended with Mum crying and Dad shouting at the top of his lungs. Dad would sometimes also scold me or beat me really hard when he is really mad. Sometimes, I don't know why does he do that. I didn't do anything wrong. But at other times, Dad can be very nice to me. One day, Dad brought me out for ice cream. Dad drove me down town to the ice cream parlour for my favourite strawberry sundae. On the way back home, dad told me, "Lily, I am going to move away..." I stared at him while he concentrated to drive. "You are leaving me and Mummy?" I asked. "No, I'm not leaving you, I just wanna get away from Mummy, and I want you to follow me..." I suddenly felt worried. "Daddy, are you and Mummy going to have a divorce?" I asked cautiously. "Yes, Lily. And I want you to follow me..." he replied. "No, I don't want..." There was an awkward silence in the air. I hung my head low. Dad kept quiet. I cried silently throughout the whole journey back home.

One day, I was near Mum's study. I accidentally kicked my ball onto Mum's study table and a bunch of papers fell onto the floor. I bend down and picked them up. An envelope caught my eye. The envelope had Mum's medical centre logo stamped on with her name on. I was curious and decided to opened it. It was a long letter from Mum's doctor. I tried reading the letter but the words was very hard for my eight year old mind. But one word caught my attention. 'Brain tumor'. Then suddenly, it struck me. Mum had brain tumor. I quickly put the letter in and ran straight to my room. I closed the door behind me. I ran up to my bed and pulled the covers above my head and cried. I prayed Mum would get well soon.

Later on, Mum decided to agree on the divorce, on one condition. That Dad carried Mum out from their bedroom to the living room every morning for a month, to signify that Dad carried her out from her marriage, like how Dad carried Mum into the marriage. Dad said it was a ridiculous but eventually agreed to it. So the first morning, Dad carried Mum. They looked so funny, Dad carrying Mum. I squealed in delight when Dad lifted Mum up. Dad was so clumsy when he carried Mum. The nearly broke the antique vase in the living room. They looked awkward like that. I watched them everyday. Day by day, Dad could carry Mum with ease. They don't look so awkward doing so. But as days passes, Mum look skinnier and more fragile. I wonder does Dat noticed that.

During the last week of the month, I asked Dad, "Daddy, do you love me?" He ruffled my hair and replied, "Yes dear, of course I do..." I smiled widely, "Then, do you love Mummy?" I saw his brows were knitted together in frustration, "Yes, I do love your Mummy..." I grinned even wider, "That means that, you and Mummy aren't going to have the divorce?" Dad bend down to look at me, "No Lily...we are still going through the divorce..." "Why?!" I asked. I suddenly started crying. "Why do you still want to hurt Mummy, even when she is so sick? Why Daddy, why!"I couldn't contain my tears any longer and started with large sobs. Dad's eyes changed from frustration to anxiety. He held my shoulders firmly and asked, "Lily, what are you saying? Mummy is sick? How do you know? Lily, tell me!" I could see from his face that he was very scared. "I, I accidentally read Mummy's letter, from the doctor. In the letter, it said, th...that Mummy has brain tumour..."

Once Daddy understood my words, he took out his cellphone and dialed a number. "Lauren, I'm not going through the divorce. Yes, I'm sure with my decision. No, I've changed. Never call this number again." and he hung up. Dad carried me up to Mum's bedroom. In her bedroom, Mum was on her bed. She looked so fragile, so weak. Her face had that sunken look. She gave a small smile when we came into her room. Dad put me down beside her bed. "Is it true? That, you are sick?" Dad asked. I saw tears in Mum's eyes. She held onto Dad's hand, "I'm so sorry for not telling you...I didn't want you both to get worried..." Dad wiped her tears off her eyes and kissed her on the forehead. I smiled to myself. Dad and Mum are being good to each other again. I turned to look at both of them. They looked at each other and smiled meaningfully.

TheEnd

(You guys may wonder where have you heard or read this before, yes, it is from facebook. During the exams, I thought of this story and decided to write it for the exams. Little did I know that it was from facebook. Hope it is okay. Cheerio.)

© mabeljehanne2012

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Best Friends

7th Grade

"Okay class, we will be learning on simultaneous equations today. Now class, turn to page 87..."

I was suppose to listen to Mrs. Joni, but I couldn't concentrate during her classes. My mind would eventually wander off to my 'best friend', Lily. I would sometimes take a small peek at the corner of my eyes just to look at her. Sometimes, I would stare at her for a very long time. Her pretty face, her smooth silky hair which hang just above her waist. I wished she was mine. But she doesn't see me in that kind of way. She didn't like me like that. She just like me as a 'best friend'. I knew that for a very long time.

After class, she walked up to me. "Hey Sam, could you lend me those notes Mrs. Joni gave in class yesterday? I was absent yesterday." I dugged my backpack and took out the papers Mrs. Joni gave the day before. "Here you go, Lily."She took the papers and gave me a kiss on the cheek. "Thanks Sam!"And she walked off. My fingers touched the place where Lily kissed me on my cheek. I wanted to tell her, I wanted to tell her my feelings for her. I want her to know that. I want her to know that I didn't to be 'just friends' with her. But I was so shy to do so...I really don't know why.

Junior Year

I was arranging my stuff on my desk when my phone suddenly rang. It was Lily. I answered it, "Hello Lily? Whaddup?" I heard a sob and a sniff. "Lily! Are you okay? Are you...crying?" Another sob. "Matt and I...we...he...he broke up with me..."she mumbled. Matt was Lily's first love. "Lily, are you okay now?" I asked. Another sniff. "Sam, could you...I mean, if you are free, could you come over? I really don't want to be alone..." I hung up immediately. Straight away, I got on my bike and rode over to her place. I found her hugging her pillow and crying on the couch. I sat next to her and comforted her. I stared into her eyes, her beautiful soft brown eyes, wishing so she was mine and mine alone.

After two whole hours of a 'Drew Barrymore' movie and three bags of chips, Lily said she was tired and wanted to sleep.
She looked at me and gave me a small smile. "Thanks Sam..." And she leaned towards me and gave me a kiss on the cheek. On the way back home, I kept thinking. I wanted her to know, my feelings for her. I really wanted to tell her. I don't want to be 'just friends' with her. I love her. But, I'm too shy to tell her that. 'Why am I like that?'I thought.

Senior Year

It was a day before our prom. I was taking some books out from my locker. I saw that familiar brown hair walking towards my locker. "Sam, my date's sick. He can't go..." she said. I remember us saying when we were 7th grade that if neither one of us have dates for prom, we promised to go together, as 'best friends'. And so, we did.

Prom Night

After everything ended, I brought Lily back home. We were standing at her doorstep. I stared deeply into her eyes, grinning. She smiled. 'Should I tell her? My feelings for her? I really wanted her to know. I want her to be mine. Should I kiss her too?' I thought. But I know, she doesn't think of me like that, she just thought of me as her 'best friend'. "I had the best time! Thank you!"she said. She tip-toed and kissed me on the cheek. She opened her front door, and went in. I wanted to tell her. I wanted her to know I don't want to be 'just friends' with her. I love her, but, I'm just too shy. And I don't know why.

Graduation day

Time passes so darn fast. A day, a week, then a month. Time flew so fast in a blink of an eye. It was graduation day already. I felt so happy when I saw Lily, with her perfect body floating like an angel on stage, to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she doens't think of me that way, and I know it.

Before everyone went to their own ways, Lily came up to me, in her robe and hat. She was crying. I hugged her tight, not wanting to let go. She lifted her head offf my shoulder. She said, "You are my best friend!" I gave a smile and said, "Thank you..." She leaned in and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her, I wanted her to know that I don't want to be 'just friends' with her. I love her, but I am too shy, and, I don't even know why.

A few years later

I'm in my best suit and tie. Sitting on the pews of the church. A church she is getting married at. She's so beautiful. In her white dress with a long train, and the veil. I hear her say 'I do'. I watched her drive away, away to her new life. She's married now, married to another man, not me. How much do I wanted her to be mine, but, she doesn't see it that way, and I know that. Before she drove away, she came to me and hugged me tight. "You came! Thank you so much!"and she kissed me on the cheek. I wanted to tell her, I wanted her to know that I didn't want to be 'just friends'. I love her too much, but, I'm too shy.

Many Years Passed

I was at the same church again, sitting on the same pews. But this time is not a wedding, but a funeral. I looked down, into the coffin, staring at the beautiful girl, who used to be my 'best friend'. During the service, they were reading one of Lily's diary entry during her high school days. It read:

"I stare at him, I really wanted him to know, how I felt for him. I wanted him to know, that I don't want to be 'just friends'. I wanted to tell him, but I'm just too shy. I really don't know why. I really wished he would tell me he loves me."

I couldn't hold my tears any longer. I ran out from the service. I cried. I wished that I did too. I wished that I told her I loved her, too. Tears and tears of sadness and regret came like there's no tomorrow. 'Why didn't I tell her when I had the chance? Why didn't I tell her I loved her? All these years...'I thought.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Another Blog for another Story!

Hey! I have another blog for my Long Stories! Here is it:

http://jehannemystoriesmylove.wordpress.com/

Hope you enjoy! :-)

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Faith

My finger touched against the rough fabric of Tony's attitre, his army suit. The dark green cloth had the strong smell of mud and dust. Suddenly, a sob caught up. My finger retracted. Tony hadn't come since the last time he went out for war. It was also the last time I saw him, and it was the last argument. The argument was so bad. I remember the whole scenario which was really, really heart wrenching...

It was the night before he was to leave fr his next posting. It was so sad to watch him pack his things, his army baggage, his army boots, everything. I remember placing my face into my palms in frustration. I didn't want him to leave. i started crying then. Tony heard my quiet sobs. He came over to me and put a hand on my shoulder. ''Lenna, are you okay?'' I shook my head, not sure what to say. ''Shhh...Lenna, please, tell me...what's wrong?'' He hugged me tight. I breathe out a shaky breath. ''Do you, have to go? Really, really go?'' Tony didn't know what to say. Finally, he found words to speak, ''Lenna, you know that I have to, for the country and everybody...'' I pushed him aside, ''What about me? Don't you love me?'' He came over and hugged me again, 'Í love you too. But, you have to know, the country needs me. The people needs me.'' I know I am just being whiny and rediculous but, I want him to just come back and don't get me worried any more. I pushed him aside and just blew off. 'Í want you here with me! I can't stand you being so a far away. Do you know how alone I had been since you had left!?'' And the arguement picked up from there. The only thing I ever remembered through all my tears were, ''Why did I ever marry you?''

The next day, he was gone. I didn't have the chance to say goodbye. I knew I had made him very angry and dissapointed in me. I don't even know why I was like that. Soon, I understand why, I was having his child in me. And I have a gut feeling that the child didn't want him to leave. Months have past since I last heard of Tony. The time that past was so long, that I gave birth to our baby. I named his daughter Faith Valentine because she was borned on Valentine's day, our wedding anniversary. I remember very well that I wrote many many letters to him, telling him that I am pregnant, that we have a daughter and that we want him to come home. But he never reply any of them. I was so upset and had been living in a guilt all those times after he had left. I can't believe I said whatever I had said to Tony.

After nearly a year of him not around due to the war happening, the time for him come back home. I let Faith wear a pretty nice dress and waited for the truck that always bring Tony back. Finally, the truck came. I was so happy, that I brought Faith in my arms and when out to the porch, but, Tony never came. The two commisioned officers came, carrying a military suit and a box.

''Mrs. Michaels? I am Sergeant Jackson, and this is Sergeant Vales. I would like to tell you that your Navy husband, Anthony Michaels had passed away. My condolences.''

When I heard, I was so shocked. Too shock to even cry. My senses were messed up. I didn't know what to do. My few months old daughter were looking at me with her wide big eyes. I was trying hold back my tears.

''Mrs. Michaels, this is your husband's suit, his badge for service and a letter that didn't get to be send to you. I'm sorry, your husband was a great loss to our nation and also to you and your young daughter. G'day madam.''

I took all of Tony's things and went back in with Faith. I sat down after settling Faith in her crib next to me. I sliced open the letter and a small bronze locket fell off the floor. I bend down and picked it up. I wiped the locket and saw words carved. It said, 'Faith, I love you...' I held it close to my heart. I took out the letter and tried to not cry.

'Dear Lenna,

I'm sorry that I made you angry that night. I know that you miss me very much and you were not well. When I heard you were pregnant with my child, I was so happy and really wanted to come home and just take care of you. I want to see you and the baby. I want to see our daughter grow, but, I guess it can't happen. Lenna, you were the best thing that had ever happen to me. And now, you had given me the best gift in my life, even though I may not be able to see our daughter grow. I want you to take care of my, of 'our' daughter for me.

I am very sick now, and dying from and epidemic that had been spreading like wildfire here. I found a locket with our child's name. I also had left a photo of me and you in it, for our daughter to see when she gets older. Lenna, I love you. Please, take care of yourself and Faith. And its not your fault for everything that has happened or is going to happen.

Faith, take care of your mummy when you get older. Don't make her get mad. She's just trying to take care of you. Here's the locket for you.

I really want you to call me one last time, to call me Tony one last time. Faith dear, I want you to call me daddy too. I guess I may not have that last wish from the both of you.

I love the both of you, really I do.

Love,
Anthony Michaels
Your beloved husband and father


After reading it, I couldn't contain my sadness any longer. I was really crying like a basin overflowing with water. Suddenly, I heard Faith talking. ''Momma...''

I was so shocked to hear that. In the midst of my tears, i went towards her. ''Faith dear, what did you say?'' I asked her. But she didn't say anything. So, i opened the locket. In the locket, there was the wedding photo of me and Tony. I held back a sob. Faith saw Tony and said, ''dad.....dy...'' I was so happy when I heard that. In my mind, I thought, 'Tony, Faith is calling for you...''I smiled through my tears as I snuggled Faith. I sniffed, ''Tony, I love you...''

5 years in the world of choral music, never regretted once

I remember 5 years ago, when I was 13 in January, I was thinking what to join for extracurricular activities. There's bands, English society, art society, cheerleading, scouts, etc. I wanted something less risky, so, cheerleading was out of the point. I wanted something to do with music. So, either it was choir or band. I thought, band is hard, learning another instrument was tough whereas choir is just singing and I had experience before in choir during pri school days. So, I joined that. And my goodness was I wrong when I said it was easy. I remember going into the stuffy choir room on a Friday to get the registration form. In the room, there were many members from the afternoon session, both new and old. The new members were told from both the teacher advisor, Pn Loh Aik Ban and our then president, Carmen Leong to attend the practice the next day.

I remember during the first practice that Saturday, we were warming up our voices. Then, we were introduce to or coach, Ms Susanna Saw. The older members left to practice outside. One by one, us newbies were given a voice test. Nearly everyone there were put to soprano, I on the other hand was put to alto which I never regretted til this day. From the first day itself, I had learned that, sectionals are boring but essential to a song. I remember the first half of my first year in choir, I had problems learning my alto part of any songs given. I would always get distracted and went on singing the soprano part all the way. Another problem was that, I sang using throat voice all the way. I couldn't change my voice to head voice. From choir, head voice is good, throat voice is bad, that was what I had learned. I also remember that the choir had an audition for the up coming competitions. Sadly, I didn't got in. But, I learned the criteria to be in the team, expression, and good technique.

Actually, I wanted to quit after the first year ended, but, one thing kept me going for 5 years. In around the middle of the year, a choral event prevented me from quiting. I went and joined the young singers choral festival, currently known as Malaysian Choral Eisteddfod. There, I had changed my whole prospective about choirs. That year, I had learned how to dance many Sarawak dances together with their songs. Also with folk songs and various other genres. I was so happy then that I promised myself to go annually.

After choral fest, I changed my ways in choir. I tried relearning all the songs for my part. During the second half of the year, there was another audition for a state competition. I went and try out for it and I got into the team thanks to Pn Loh for giving me the opportunity. We practice under Ms Susanna and Mr Ng Jin Keat for many many weeks from morning til evening, skipping many days of school. But, it was worth it. We had gotten 2nd, behind SMK Kepong. Since then, I fell in love with performing.

In the second year and til my senior year, I had been in the school team and also had been leading the altos. I was given the opportunity to learn from friends every where.

I had met many music inclined people, Ng Shyh Poh, Aaron, Tyler, Johan, Tracy, Suk Yin, Wen Chin, Regina, Prof. Andre, Branko Stark, Jonathan Valaesco, Mr Ian, Ms Sonya AND MANY MANY MORE.

I had been learning music from friends I met in MCE like Andrew, Darrel, Sarah etc. I had learned so many skills like leadership skills, sight singing, solo singing, conducting etc. I would like to say a huge thank you to you all that showed me the choral music world.

Thank you to my awesome seniors in choir who had taught me so much for so many years. Thank you to my beloved juniors who let me spread the knowledge of choral singing to you. Love you all!