Sunday, May 29, 2011

Of Cappuccino and Whiskey and Tears

A story which I plan to put it up for the school mag, enjoy~~~


Of Cappuccino and Whiskey and Tears

Raindrops splashing on the grey pavement as my hand stirred the hot cappuccino in the cup. The beautiful aroma of caffeine hit my nose. I let my mind wander off to my fantasy land where everything was perfect. As I stare into space at the wet scene outside the window, my thoughts kept drifting away. A small fraction of people were out there in the rain with raincoats and umbrellas in hand, rushing to wherever they are needed. The street looked deserted. Someone was calling me. My physical body was present, but not my soul. My soul was wandering elsewhere. At the sound of my name, I was struck back into reality, very far away from my perfect fantasy world.

“Serena…don’t you have anything to say?” I gave an audible sigh as I turned my glance to the person who had called me. “No.” I replied with a tone of annoyance. “Were you even listening to whatever I was saying just now?” Sam asked in a desperate tone. I rolled my eyes. “No…not like I need to, anyway…” Sam stared at me with disbelief. “What? Aren’t you concerned about it?” This annoyed me much more. “I don’t want you to refer to our relationship as ‘it’…as if you give a damn about it…I find it rather insulting” I replied. “But I do…I do care about it very much…” he replied in a desperate tone. I rolled my eyes once again and paid no attention to whatever he wanted to say.

“Serena... I really don’t wanna end it this way…can’t we have a talk about it?” he said. This time, it was my turn to look at him in disbelief, “You are the one who wanted to end this, not me. YOU are the want who want to talk about it. And clearly, I don’t want to talk about this. It’s over. So what is the need to talk about this?” I asked. Sam looked more desperate. “I just want to talk things through. I really do love you…before. But…when Michelle came back…I…I just don’t know what to do…” I went quiet, staring at the whirlpool I had made with my cappuccino. I drank a mouthful and sat the cup down. The bitter milky sensation soothed the pain in me. “Michelle always treats you like shit, why are you still after her?” I asked.

Now, there was a lady carrying so many bags of shopping on both arms while trying to carry her umbrella and holding onto her daughter who was trying to let go of her mother’s protective grip on her wrist. I felt like that little girl, just wanting to get out of someone’s grip. “I don’t know…I really don’t…” I heard him said. “Why is it that you still love that witch? She treats you like you are invisible and yet, you still want her? Why is it do you crave for mistreatment?” I continued. “She comes into town, and turns you inside out, screws everything you have in life and just dumps you. It’s that what you want?” I said. He gave me a sad nod in reply. “Ha, maybe, you should go back to your psychiatrist to change your medication...again.” Sam looked hurt after I said that comment but I didn’t care. “Why are you saying all this?” he asked. He looked very miserable. “I’m just treating you like how Michelle did…”

When I said that, he went all quiet. “You see, you don’t even deny about Michelle…” I pointed out. He let out a sigh, “I guess I have nothing to deny….” I was stunned by his last sentence. Even though I knew he had a thing for Michelle, but it still hurts when you hear the truth from his mouth. I felt a stinging sensation in my eyes. I willed myself not to cry in front of him. I took a deep breath. “Do you have anything else to say?” I asked, adding a tinge of annoyance in my tone for my benefit. “That’s it? Didn’t it, I mean, our relationship mean anything to you?” He asked. I started to stir my cappuccino again, making huge swirls in the middle of the cup. “It meant more to me than it is to you…” I was soon to have a migraine from all the ‘it’s. “That’s not true…” I looked straight into his eyes, his brown eyes that mirrored such distinct misery. “You are the one walking out on this…” “I can’t believe you are giving all up without a fight…” he said, with a tinge of doubt. “Why not? You are.” I stare at him, he felt a little uncomfortable. “But, it’s not that easy for me…”

I gave him a matter-of-fact glance, “Then, why are you even doing it?” He didn’t response, but just stared at me. I continued on, “Or is it that you are doing this, to make it even? Are you taking it out on me when Emily and Joanne left you? Or was it Joanne and Emily? Leaving me makes it fair, then?” That really hit Sam hard and I could see it. The corner of his right eye was twitching. Beads of sweat were forming on his forehead even though he was in an air-conditioned room. There was an awkward silence in between us. “You’re being spiteful…” he said after he found his voice. “I guess I do have something to say after all.”
Sam let out a long sigh. I felt like a piece of his soul went along with that breath when he sighed, as if he still had any soul left in him. “I really wanted us to stay as friends…” he said with sincerity in his voice. He wanted to touch my hand across the table but I retrieve it before I made any contact with him. With all the venomous sarcasms I had in me, I replied, “Don’t patronize me.” I glare at him with as much coldness I could muster. He let out another deep sigh and stood up. Sam gave me a look of wounded sadness. He tossed a few notes of cash on the table. Went and retrieve his coat on the coat rake and went out, walking down towards Berner’s Street.

I watched him walked until I could not see a glimpse of him left. I signaled to the waiter at the café. He walked over. He looked exceptionally young, maybe an undergraduate, with a pair of deep penetrating blue eyes. How many times had he witnessed couples fighting and eventually breaking up? Would he tell the truth if I had asked?

“I would like another cappuccino please.” I said as my finger lingered on the edge of the teacup which was now half full with the caffeine. “And a whiskey too…” I continued. “No problem.” He gave a sweet smile. I tried to smile back, but I couldn’t. A lump was formed in my throat which I tried to swallow it. I drained the remains of the cold caffeine in my cup. The cappuccino was enough to let me be in control of my unsteady emotions and the whiskey was enough to anesthetize the wound in my heart until I reach home.

The tears would soon to come. The feeling of being worthless and wanting to die would soon to follow. And soon, anger would come like clean air after a storm. And I would be alright again. It was just a matter of time.

Soon, my order came. I drained my whiskey in a gulp. The hot sensation lingered in my throat. I stirred the hot cappuccino. As I stirred, a tear fell into the whirlpool of my own creation.


Mabel Soong ©

Saturday, May 28, 2011

The Cross

A dream had been constantly coming up for the past few weeks...





I was in a doorless, windowless white room. I felt everything in me was failing, my senses, my consciousness, my sight, my hearing, everything. Suddenly, I saw a hand out-stretch in front of me. The hand had a hole punctured in the middle of the palm. Suddenly, a warmth feeling swept past me. 'I know that hand, I've seen it before...' I thought. I stretch my arm out and the hand held mine and suddenly, I was unconsious. The next moment when I was awake, I felt pain all over me. I felt 2 kinds of pain to be exact. A physical pain and emotional pain. I didn't know where was I... Soon, My senses came back slowly. Only then I figured out where was I. I was looking through the eyes of the Lord. I felt the excruciating pain from the nails and the thorns that was punctured into the Lord's flesh. It was a pain you couldn't have imagine... But, the mental pain was worst, thousand times worst. It was a suffocating pain. Yet, the Lord could manage the pain for so many hours... The mental pain was bad, many images flashed in front of my eyes, images of abortion, sexual pleasures, murder, death, abuse etc etc.... It was bad. For many nights I had been seeing this so often...but there was no reason behind it... I became physically weak as I didn't have enough sleep... Until one night, the sequence changed.

I was in a room, the same room I had always been. But this time, the Lord showed himself to me. Suddenly, my emotions got the better of me and I broke down. He walked towards me and comforted me. "I wanted you to tell the world how the My Father's love for all of you is felt when I AM on the cross." Somehow, the Lord knew that his vision was bothering me, but he also knew how to calm me down. Yes, this is what I had experience the last month. Whether or not is true to you, is all up to you. I had finished my promised to the Lord for telling everyone I could. Amen.